A Journey Starts With One Step

Happy Heart Day!!

2011-09-13T09:24:00.001-05:00

Ten years ago today my Dad underwent successful open heart surgery. It was two days after the attacks of 9/11. The emotions that we were all having were like a roller coaster ride all day. When I got to the hospital a little after 6am, my Mom told me that they were not sure if they were going to be able to do the surgery. To say my Mom was a little overwhelmed is an understatement. Thankfully the surgeon came in and told the nurses that no matter what was the problem, he was doing the surgery. I am so thankful for my Dad's surgeon. After the surgery he informed us that one of my Dad's arteries was 90% blocked. The artery was what they call the "widow maker". He said that the only reason my Dad didn't have a massive heart attack was due to the fact that he took an aspirin everyday. After Dad was in recovery and we knew that the surgery had gone extremely well, we were able to go in to the ICU to see him. It was only for a couple of minutes but it helped all of us to just "see" that he was fine. I walked out of that room and fell apart. I'm not sure what came over me. Maybe it happened because I had never seen my Dad like that. He was always so strong, so in control. Maybe it was relief. Maybe it was the fact that my Dad was still here, alive and well, while other families were grieving the loss of loved ones all over our country. Whatever the reasons were that made the tears flow, there was a sense of calmness and comfort that enveloped me. I was reminded again that God was with us every moment before, during and after the surgery. And this was my moment to lay my head on God's shoulder, feel his arms around me and let it all out.

Ten years have gone by and I thank God everyday for the life of my Dad. He has been a role model to his three children and 10 grandchildren and a loving and caring husband to my Mom. He is a man of integrity and faith, who has worked hard to provide for his family and has a heart overflowing with love.

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:5-7

Happy Heart Day Dad!!

Love and Blessings,
Jill

Gifts & Blessings:
*My Dad's strong and healthy heart still beating.
*Walking under a harvest moon.
*Laughing with friends.
*A freshly painted new home office.
*My husband spending time painting while football was on t.v.
*Celebrating my cat's 16th birthday.
*Cool breezes flowing through the windows.
*A child's smile.
*Life still moving on.
*A bouquet of flowers from my mom's garden.

Remembering 9/11

2011-09-11T17:39:00.000-05:00

Where were you? What were you doing? These are the questions I keep hearing people ask as we have been leading up to this day. Has it really been 10 years? But it still seems so raw, so real, so hard. Hard to understand how it all happened? Why it happened? And have we learned anything from what happened? Like so many others I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard about the first plane hitting the World Trade Center. I had just dropped my daughter Kayla off at her middle school and was driving my daughter Ashley to her high school. My son Andrew was in the back seat waiting for his turn to go to school. We were listening to KLOVE when they mentioned that a plane had hit one of the towers? Ashley and I looked at each other but we just thought it was a small plane. In fact, after telling everyone about the plane, the radio announcer played a song. I don’t think they even knew the magnitude of the problem at that time. I dropped Ashley off and headed for home where Andrew grabbed his backpack and headed up the street to go to his school. I watched him walk up the street and turn the corner and then I headed off to work. At that time I was working at a television station. As I drove across town they announced on the radio that it was a large commercial plane that had hit the tower and that the 2nd tower had also been hit. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. By the time I got to work, everyone was standing in the lobby of the station watching it all unfold on the big screen T.V. I walked over to one of my co-workers and asked her what was going on. She just looked at me with tears in her eyes. The rest of the day was a blur. When I finally made it home I just wanted to hug my husband and children. Life suddenly was to scary, to sad, to hard and to filled with death and sorrow.

Years before I had watched in horror as the federal building in Oklahoma City was bombed. I had held my then 2 year old son on my lap as mothers searched to know if their child was safe. I had watched children run from school buildings after shots from a gun had killed fellow students. I made sure that when my children went to school I told them “I love you”. Those attacks were from people who were troubled and broken. We prayed for them and for the victims and families. Those attacks, as horrible and awful as they were, were carried out by people who lived in this country. But 9/11 was different. 9/11 sent us into a fear that gripped our very souls. The people that carried out the attacks and hijacked those planes, hated us, all of us. That hatred killed almost 3000 people. Our country and the lives of the families and friends that were left behind were forever changed.

10 years ago we asked ourselves, “How do we get through this?” and “How do we go on?”. Today we continue to ask ourselves these very same questions. The wars still continue. Lives are still being lost. Memorials are still being built. 9/11 is not something that can be put back together, placed in a box, taped shut and placed on a shelf. 9/11 is a day that will remain in the hearts of everyone who watched it unfold. Whether you were running down the stairs of a tower to get to safer ground, looking at the blue sky in Times Square, were working in your office at the Pentagon or the Capital building, were receiving that final phone call from a loved one or taking your child to school, driving to work or watching it on television. Our world, our lives are different.

Did we get through it?

For some, their faith in God grew , but for others, their hatred for those who look differently, sound differently, dress differently and believe differently grew too. 9/11 brought out the best in people and the worst in people.

Did we go on?

We continue to go on and believe that somehow at sometime the fear that gripped our souls will lessen. That we will feel safe again. That the wars will end, the memorials will be finished and we will move out of the cloud of fear and into the light of security.

But that light of security can only come when we put our full trust and faith in God. God didn’t cause 9/11. But he did provide the angels who helped people get to safety. He provided angels who took charge in a commercial jet and diverted it away from our capital. It’s the God that sent angels to comfort those who were hurting with quilts, cards, prayers and anything else that was needed. And it is the God who continues to comfort us, strengthen us and guide us to that light. Where one day we will stand before Him and he will welcome us with outstretched arms.

Today may we remember those whose lives were lost and thank God for his comfort, strength and redeeming grace and mercy.

Blessings,
Jill

Time keeps marching on!

2011-08-29T16:45:00.001-05:00

I’m not even sure how it happened. How time just kept going on but I didn’t stop to write about it. 6 months. 6 months since I last wrote on this blog. Did I think about it? Yes. Did I make attempts to write? Yes. Did I read other blogs from other writers? Yes. So why has it been 6 months? I can’t even really explain it. All I know is that I wanted to but found myself thinking that I didn’t have anything worthy to share. I guess you could say I had writers block? Or maybe… just maybe…I didn’t feel I could do it well enough anymore. Maybe it’s because doubts started to creep into my mind that I wasn’t poetic enough like Ann Voskamp or witty and funny enough like Melanie aka “Big Mama” or insightful enough like Lisa Whittle or raw enough like Sarah Markley. These are a few of the blogs that I follow. I love reading about their daily lives. Anne’s words flow like spun honey. Golden and sweet and you find yourself just wanting more. Big Mama makes me laugh on a daily basis with her stories of Texas, her daughter Caroline, her husband P and her best friend Gulley. Lisa Whittle always makes me think about myself and the world around me and Sarah Markley is just so raw with the truth. The truth, that’s what stopped me in my tracks when I started to think about why I haven’t written. It isn’t how I write or why I write, or even if I am good enough to write. Writing on a blog is about sharing the truth, the truth about yourself, your life and your family with others. And maybe it’s not even sharing with others. Maybe it’s just sharing the truth with yourself?

So here it is... the truth of the last 6 months of my life.

March found me turning 46. 46 years of living, breathing, laughing, crying and being me. Well sometimes me and sometimes trying to find out who “me” is? Did it make me sad to turn 46? No, not really. It’s like the line in Steel Magnolias when Truvy says to Shelby (who has found the early stages of crow’s feet), “Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face.” The best birthday present I received was my nephew returning from Afghanistan for a little R &R. As time was marching across my face, he had been marching across Afghanistan. It was so good to see him and we were able to have a big family dinner to celebrate before he had to return. March also brought two little boys into the lives of my brother and sister-in-law that I will at some point write about, but not in this post.

In April my baby turned 18. Now that made me feel old. Andrew informed me on the day of his birthday that I no longer had any children, that they were all adults now. Maybe in their eyes but not in mine. They will forever be my babies. Time might be marching on but somehow they all seem to march back into the house for something; food, advice, money, laundry, etc… I led the women’s retreat at the church camp at Lake Okoboji and it was such a great time. This was the first year that I was the only leader. I had 4 other women (God bless them) who helped with the details of decorations, supplies and support but it was basically me leading the weekend. On Saturday evening we were notified that there was some pretty crazy weather headed our way which was not happy news for me. I’m a tad bit afraid of storms. So I found myself periodically going back to my room, checking the weather on my laptop and praying to God for a little help. Thank God we only had rain, thunder and lightning where we were but a town a few miles to the east of our hometown was struck by a tornado that devastated parts of it.

Earlier in the year I had been asked to be on a leadership team for a new young women's ministry connection group called Wings and we had our first meeting in May. The group is a break off from the Compel Women's Conference which is held every January in So. Sioux City Nebraska. We meet monthly at our local Art Center and it is a way for young women in their 20's to connect with others. It has been so rewarding and the leadership team is made up of some incredible women. May also brought my babies high school graduation party and a trip to our cabin in the Black Hills. It also brought more water than the Missouri River could hold and we came home from the cabin and helped move my in-laws out of their home in Dakota Dunes, South Dakota. It was so surreal. People all over this small community were scrambling to find shelter, storage units, sandbags and people to help. As we drove into the community we waited in long lines as they were letting huge trucks filled with dirt go ahead of others so they could build a levee along the river front. The South Dakota National Guard was called in and Black Hawk helicopters transported huge sandbags to areas along the river to help hold back the water. As we helped to box, bag and put items into a huge semi-trailer parked in their front yard, the looks on my in-laws faces and those of their neighbors was of complete helplessness and fear. Everything they owned was going to be stored on a trailer that would be parked somewhere in a lot to keep the contents safe. I remember taking some of their more personal items to my van for us to keep at our house, looking up and down the street and saying to God, “Why is this happening and how are we going to get this all done?” God answered. People started showing up from my father-in-laws former law firm, employees from the court house where he had been a judge and friends of my brother-in-law. And then a mother and son who didn't even know us showed up. They had read on a Facebook page that had been set up to help with victims of the flood that we needed help. Every single one of them were angels sent from God. Within a few hours we had moved everything out of the house and locked the trailer.

The waters spilled over the banks in June and from Montana, South Dakota, Iowa, Nebraska and states farther south, cities, towns, farmlands and interstates were flooded with water. The water continued to rise and the lives of everyone were changed. But June also brought an incredible experience for me. I traveled to Lincoln, Nebraska to go to a Lifeway workshop on women’s ministry and to a Beth Moore Living Proof conference. I had been wanting to see her for five years. I had heard her speak on the program, Life Today with James and Betty Robison since 2006 and had read some of her books. It was during one of those programs that I heard Beth say, “If you want to hear the voice of God, you need to close your mouth and listen”. That’s what led me to the lake shore one April day in 2006 where I allowed God to speak to my heart. That moment with God changed my life and placed me on this journey that has led me to new opportunities to serve Him. So when I got the opportunity to see her in person, I jumped!! I was not disappointed. I had met two sisters, Lelia Chealey (who also has a blog) and Michelle Jane, at a conference in January who had invited me to stay with them when I went to Lincoln. They were part of the planning committee and because of that I also was able to be a prayer encourager at the conference. That meant that I got to sit in the front row. The FRONT row!!!! I cannot tell you how exciting it was when Beth came out as Travis Cottrell’s band started the worship time and she sat right across the aisle from me. I could have touched her but I don’t think her security guard would have been very happy about that. Tears started to flow from my eyes. It was an incredible weekend and one that will forever remain in my memory and my heart. My husband and I also celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary June. May I just say how much I love this man!!! He is my biggest fan. He still makes me laugh and when I get all fired up about something he'll let me vent and then gives me a look and a word that calms me down. It has been a roller coaster ride that I hope we can stay on for a long, long time.

July brought a week at the Blueberry cabin in Minnesota. Blue skies, relaxing, blue lake, relaxing, family time, relaxing, kayaking, relaxing, floating on rafts, relaxing, smores, relaxing…. Need I say more? It also brought my nephew and hundred’s more soldiers from Iowa home from Afghanistan. Thank you Jesus!! July also brought temperatures over 100 degrees and the weather reporters were trying to fry eggs on the hood of cars. I am not kidding people, it was HOT!!

In August I took a group of ladies from my church to the Women of Faith conference in Omaha Nebraska. What a weekend!!! Mandisa rocked, Amy Grant performed, Patsy Clairmont made me laugh until I cried and I got to hear Lisa Whelchel (Blair from the “Facts of Life”) speak, which was just too cool. My daughter Kayla went with us and we made a little weekend out of it. Since she got married last October we haven’t had a whole lot of me and her time, so it was so nice to have that opportunity to have her all to myself. Thankfully the Missouri River waters started to recede in August so we were able to move my in-laws back into their home this past weekend. Their home was spared of any water damage and it was a much happier experience than in May. They are slowly getting everything back in order while deciding to let go of some of their “stuff”. It is surprising how much stuff we can accumulate when we hide it away in drawers, closets and storage rooms. The aftermath of the flooding has started to make its appearance. What was once a beautiful river front is now marred by fallen trees and debris and the bike path that runs alongside the river is broken and parts of it are washed away. The mud, silt, grime and mold now reside in many of the homes. And for some, there is now the question as to whether or not they will ever be able to move back in.
So, that’s how the past 6 months marched along. With a drum roll, trumpet blast and clanging cymbals, every moment being heard, felt and cherished.

It’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

And by the way…a little L’Oreal eye cream does wonders for “crow’s feet”. Just saying!!

Blessings,
Jill

One Thousand Gifts
- new friends and old friends
- water receding
- my husband
- birthdays
- laughing
- time spent with family
- hearing the Word
- a cabin in the woods
- floating on a raft
- kayaking
- air conditioning
- sweet corn
- my nephew coming home
- time

Rhythm makes all the difference

2011-02-28T16:18:00.000-06:00

I had the great privilege to preach at our church's Saturday evening and Sunday morning worship services this past weekend. Saturday evening as I started to speak I could feel that I just didn't have the rhythm down. As I spoke I kept praying over and over in my head, "God help me get the rhythm" and soon he delivered and everything went well. Sunday morning before worship I prayed to God, "Please let me have the rhythm as soon as I start speaking the words that you have given me." God once again came through and I was able to give the message from Isaiah 49:8-16a (NLT). God will never leave you hanging!!

Here is the link to the video of the sermon.

http://www.gracesiouxcity.org/pages/messages.html

Blessings,
Jill

Finding the gifts in the midst of chaos

2011-02-28T05:30:00.001-06:00

This last week found me with a busy schedule of composing a newsletter, sitting at our dining room table writing a sermon, leading the last session of my Thursday night women’s Bible study on “Grace” and praying on what God’s will was for me as I had been invited to be on a leadership team for a new young woman’s ministry and accepting the invitation.

Saturdays around our home have a routine all to themselves. Clean the house, shop for groceries and wash clothes. When you add in preaching at the Saturday night and Sunday morning worship services it begins to be overwhelming. By Saturday my nerves were thin, my patience barely there and the muscles in my neck and shoulders knotted.

My husband on most Saturdays helps with the cleaning and grocery shopping and this Saturday was no exception. The only problem with this Saturday was that I was not my normal self. Every time he offered to do something I felt myself tense up and respond with a bit of an attitude in my reply. Each time it happened, I would pray to God for calmness and to change my attitude. It was only when I started to look at the blessings and gifts that God surrounds me with, did my attitude change. As I dusted the coffee table in the family room I went to my knees, bowed my head and started listing God‘s gifts:

* for a husband who not only loves and supports me but is willing to share in the daily chores of our home
* for the energy to do the work that needs to get done
* for food that fills our cupboards and refrigerator
* for the water filling the washer and the humming of a dryer
* for God’s words that flowed from my pen to the paper
* for a sermon that is written, typed and ready to be given
* for the grace that God gives freely

As the gifts started to flow from my mouth I felt the peace of God’s presence envelope me and joy began to fill my heart.

But as quickly as peace and joy came in the afternoon, stress of reality arrived that evening. Our son who is 17 and who recently purchased his first vehicle, decided to come home after curfew. As the minutes ticked by, my disappointment and anger grew. “God give me strength, keep me calm and let me handle this with grace.” When he finally got home and we had a “discussion“, I settled back in bed but found myself tossing and turning. Tonight of all nights I needed to get a good nights sleep. How was I going to be able to preach if I was yawning through it? I prayed to God, “Where is the gift in this Lord?” Once again I started counting:

* for a son who is home and in his bed
* for my husbands hand rubbing my back
* for clean sheets and a pillow to lay my head on
* for our home and the family that has lived and breathed life into it

God’s grace was given, God’s grace was received and God’s joy filled my spirit. Sleep returned and dreams were dreamt. Eucharisteo always precedes the miracle.

Blessings,
Jill

God's gifts and blessings

2011-02-21T10:03:00.000-06:00

It takes the eye to see and the mind to know and the faith to feel all the blessings around us. Those gifts from God that we sometimes overlook when we are hurried and frenzied. Those gifts that over time can add up to a life of joy, if only we look for them and focus on the light that surrounds each one. God's gifts are given freely, as is his grace and when we thank God for those gifts and his grace in our lives, then our souls and our spirits will radiate the joy that only can be received from God.

Today I receive these gifts from God with a thankful heart:

~ the song from our resident cardinal and his mate
~ the light shining on the sanctuary cross
~ a cup of hot coffee on a cold morning
~ snowflakes gently falling from the sky
~ the life of a friend who is now with her Lord and Savior

Blessings,
Jill

A New Path

2011-02-20T21:50:00.000-06:00

For the past 9 months I have felt God leading, calling and directing me to work in Women's Ministry and not to become a Local Pastor. At first I was hesitant because this is not what "I" had planned. You see, for a long time I have felt God calling me into ministry and for more than three years I have been focused on becoming a pastor in a church. I graduated from the School for Lay Ministry, completed all of the requirements of becoming a Certified Candidate and went through the various interviews and meetings, so I believed that the path that I was on would lead me straight into the pulpit of a church. But as many of you know God has a plan for us that takes it's own twists and turns and we find ourselves doing something completely different than what we had envisioned.

So over the past few months I have continued to lead women's retreats and I started a Thursday night Women's Bible Study and I have loved every minute of it. I now know that God's path is the right path for me. Every morning after I do my devotion and read my Bible, I pray to God that he will lead me and guide me down this path that he has intended for me, I pray that he will bring people into my life who will help me and to open the doors so that I may go through them without any obstacles or challenges.

Yesterday, I received a call from an acquaintance who wanted to discuss something with me. She has been working in women's ministry for the past few years and I have respected her work for quite sometime. I couldn't wait to hear what she wanted to tell me and I wasn't disappointed. She told me that God had placed my name on her mind along with a few other women who she is asking to be part of a leadership team for a new ministry she is starting. I can't really share much about it because I haven't given her an answer yet but I was so excited that she called and asked me. I'm taking this week to pray about it before I give her my answer.

Please pray that God will place his answer on my heart as to what I should do and please pray for this new ministry. It is a ministry that will touch the hearts and lives of women in this area, will help women grow in their faith and their relationship with God and will help to give them the support they need in their lives.

Blessings,
Jill

Sign of spring!!

2011-02-18T22:27:00.000-06:00

On Thursday afternoon when I arrived home after work, I got out of my van and heard the most wonderful noise to my ears. A sweet chirping sound. I looked up at our tree, then to the neighbors and finally I fixed my eyes on the tree across the street. There, high above the roof tops perched 5 big orange breasted robins, singing there sweet song. I could not believe my eyes. I have never seen a robin this early, let alone 5 on February 17th!!! I just stood there staring up at those beautiful spring awakening birds and listened to their sweet melody. I go absolutely crazy when I see my "first robin" of spring. I called Dave and proclaimed that I had seen five robins and then texted my kids. I am so happy that I took the time to look around and see God's gift. What a blessing.

And today when I arrived home, there sitting in our front tree, was a beautiful cardinal singing his sweet song to his mate who was perched in our neighbors bush. Spring is definitely upon us and with it brings the warmer temperatures, green grass, light weight jackets, daffodil bouquets and a smile to your face. I do realize that the weather forecast is calling for a chance of snow on Sunday, but God has definitely given us a taste of spring.

These are just a few more gifts that I have added to my list of One Thousand Gifts. What gifts have you found? I would love to hear from you.

Blessings,
Jill

One Thousand Gifts

2011-02-14T21:55:00.000-06:00

I started reading a book by Ann Voskamp titled, "One Thousand Gifts". It is a wonderful book that I highly recommend if you are searching for the joy in your life. Ann reflects on her farming, parenting, and writing life. This book is a beautifully practical guide to living a life of joy. It invites you to wake up to God's everyday blessings. One of the ways that Ann shows us how to rediscover the joy in your life is by making a list of everyday gifts from God. The dare that Ann gives the reader is to reach a list of 1000 gifts. It doesn't have to be fancy, perfect or pretty. She started her list on the back of a sheet of paper that one of her children had drawn a picture on. She soon found herself using a small spiral notebook that she could take anywhere. Most days her spiral notebook sits open on the kitchen counter where she jots down the gifts she encounters while being a farmers wife, a mother and an observer of life. When we receive God's blessings with gratitude we experience joy in our life. I thought that this was a wonderful challenge. So today I started my list. Here are the first 5 gifts on my list I am grateful for.

#1 my dog wagging her tail
#2 a red lit candle in the middle of the table
#3 the melting of the snow
#4 cat whiskers
#5 hot coffee

Today I am passing on this dare. Can you find 1000 blessings or gifts from God in your everyday life? There is no deadline or urgency to finish your list, you can take as long as you need to reach 1000. Let me know if you accept the dare and we can travel on this journey together.

Blessings,
Jill

Happy Valentine's Day!!

2011-02-14T16:25:00.000-06:00

26 yrs., 6 months and 7 days ago I met the young man that I would marry. I had just finished helping my friend, her mom and other family members make mints for her wedding when her fiancé and his friend came over to see if we wanted to go out. That young man walked in, sat down and I instantly said to myself, “I’m going to marry him.” I knew before we had even been introduced. Before I had even heard his voice, I knew that one day he would ask me, “Will you marry me?”

When I look back on that day of August 7, 1984, I smile. I smile at the naïve young woman I was. I smile at the confidence that I had in a relationship that hadn’t even begun when I had so little confidence in myself. And now after more than 25 years of marriage I still know. I know that he loves me and I know that I can trust him with my whole heart. I still have that same confidence in this relationship that I had on that day.

It hasn’t always been easy but it has been worth every minute of the time, work, love and sharing that has been put into it. In the beginning everyday was a day of exploring who this person was who woke up beside me each morning. Sharing our dreams, our likes and dislikes. Figuring out what worked and what didn’t. Smothering each other and then knowing when to give the other space.

When our kids came into our lives, our relationship took a back seat as we were figuring out who these children were and how we all fit together (with one bathroom). We would have stolen moments of a quick kiss in the hallway as one of us would be running to help a child with homework, while the other was going to go change a diaper. Dates became rare occasions where we would steal away a couple hours to go and be “big people” but would end up talking about the kids. As the kids got older their activities had us driving in all different directions until we finally found ourselves back home ready to collapse in our bed, only to have it all start up again the next day.

And now we are headed into the realm of “empty nesters”. Our youngest child will graduate from high school this May and head off into the world to find who he is. No longer will we need to steal away to have time together or have a stolen kiss. After 25 years of raising children we find ourselves exploring once again who we are as a couple. It is exciting this new journey that we are about to take. A journey that will lead us to one day taking slower steps, silver hair and memories of a lifetime together.

Through it all God has been with us. Giving us strength, perseverance, comfort and assurance to face each new day. He has been our rock. He has sheltered us through the storms, guided us through the dark valleys and rejoiced with us in the celebrations and blessings.

On this day I not only celebrate the love that I have for my husband, but also the love that I have for God.
1 John 4:16 (NLT)
“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”

Blessings,
Jill

Happy Birthday Dad!!!

2011-02-09T06:00:00.002-06:00

Today is my dad’s birthday and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. My dad is very special to me and that is what I would like to share with you today. My dad has taught me to play fair, to treat people with respect and to take pride in your family, work and life.

My dad was a teacher and coach for over 40 years. My favorite place to go was to the school he taught and coached at and to hang out in the gym during basketball practice. I loved the smell and the sounds that bounced off of the walls. I loved watching my dad teach and instruct his players and my dad took great pride and joy in his teams. These boys who participated in football, basketball and track became an extension of our family. And even today when my dad is out he will sometimes run into one of his former students or players and they will reminisce about their former teammates and games or how my dad made an impact in their life.

Many times when my mom, sister and brother and I sat in the stands, the fans around us would say things about my dad when the game wasn’t going quite the way they wanted it to. But my dad always told us to just ignore their comments, so we would sit there biting our tongues and praying that they would stop. When the referee would make a call that we all knew wasn’t fair or true my dad never lost his temper but remained composed. He never wanted his players to see him be disrespectful because he wanted them to learn respect. He wanted to be a role model for the players and his children.

Family has always been very important to my dad. Although his coaching would take time away from us, my dad never made us feel that we came second. He instilled in us the importance of being a provider for your family and for taking responsibility for what needed to be done.

My dad has always been a spontaneous person and there were many times when we would just go for a drive on a Sunday afternoon with no destination in mind. It was time that we would spend as a family without any distractions.

Perseverance has been a theme in my dad‘s life. As a child my dad contracted polio that affected his leg muscles. And although this meant that he would have struggles during his life he never let it stop him. When he was 16 his father passed away and my dad became the man of the house for my grandmother and his two younger brothers. And in 2001 open heart surgery may have slowed him down for some time but he came back stronger and with more energy than before.

My dad instilled in me a love for nature. In the 10th grade as he listened to his biology teacher talk about a beautiful place in Minnesota, a dream of building a cabin began. When I was in the 6th grade our family purchased a camper and we would go camping in Minnesota for weekends and family vacations. 20 years ago my dad’s dream became a reality when he built a cabin on Little Blueberry Lake. Swimming, fishing, roasting marshmallows, chasing raccoons, bike rides, and long walks are memories that my family and I will have for the rest of our lives.

When I have needed his support, advice or encouragement he has been there for me. When I have felt frustrated or overwhelmed he would give me a hug and tell me everything would be okay. He is a man of strong faith and taught each of us to have faith in God and in ourselves. My dad has always been there for me and I know that he would do anything to help his family. He is a wonderful father-in-law to my husband and a loving, caring and supportive grandfather to my children. He is a man of integrity, loyal, protective, wise, faithful and a loving man and I am proud to be his daughter.

“And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.” - Titus 2:7

Happy Birthday Dad!!!
I Love You,
Jill

First reactions

2011-02-08T16:22:00.000-06:00

Last evening my husband received a call from our “tax guy” informing us of how our taxes came out. Dave happily told me that we would have to pay in a very, very, very small amount to one and get back a little from the other. I should have been happy, but my first reaction was to ask why? My husband told me that because our daughter got married and we decided not to claim her on our taxes, that also meant that we couldn’t claim her education tax credit as well. And we also have only one child living at home now. I said, “Well that’s not fair” and went about cleaning up the dinner dishes.

Later in the evening while I was working on my Bible study I started thinking about my reaction to Dave’s news. What wasn’t fair about it? The more I thought the less I could find that wasn’t fair. Why did I react like that? I should have been happy but instead I got an attitude of poor me. I started thinking of all the blessings that I have and how fortunate we are that we didn’t have to pay in a large amount to both, that we were basically breaking even. And that’s when God said to me, “Jill, you need to go apologize to Dave for your reaction.” At that very moment that I was going to go to Dave, he walked into the room with a hot cup of coffee for me to have while I was working. I sheepishly said thank you for the coffee and then said I was sorry. Dave looked surprised and asked what I was sorry about. I told him that I shouldn’t have reacted so poorly about our taxes. That after thinking about it I am very happy for the outcome. He looked at me with a puzzled look, said okay and walked out of the room and then looked back in through the partially closed door with a smile on his face.

I almost missed a blessing because I was to consumed of thinking about myself. Instead of rejoicing I chose to disregard it. How many times during our day do we disregard the blessings that God gives us?

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” - 1 Corinthians 13:6-7

Blessings,
Jill

Becoming Still

2011-02-07T17:04:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I attended the Compel Women’s Conference and the scripture verse for the conference was Psalm 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Lysa TerKeurst of Proverbs 31 Ministries, was the speaker and she was truly inspirational. There were so many things I took away from the conference that Lysa spoke on. I’ve read a couple of books that Lysa has written that I highly suggest you read, “Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl” and “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God”. And her newest book “Made to Crave” which is on the New York Times Bestseller list.

But what has stayed in my thoughts that I have found myself repeating over and over is “be still”. Those two little words keep playing over and over in my mind. So I’ve asked myself, why? Why “be still”? I believe the reason I keep repeating them is because I want to be still but I can‘t. I would love to lock myself away somewhere for a few days, away from my job, family responsibilities and church activities. Away from the daily grind of life and into the serenity and solitude of just being quiet. Alone. Free from having to make decisions, answering questions, refereeing disagreements, finding lost items, figuring out schedules, laundry and all of the other items on my life’s to do list. There are times when I am alone, although not as often as I would like, but even during those times when I sit in the quietness of my home my mind will not be still. I sit there and pray, “please be still, just for a few moments, let me hear God.” But my mind won’t. It robs me of the stillness with it’s cries of “you need to begin your sermon”, “you need to work on the retreat”, “you need to read over the Bible study”, “you need to look over Andrew’s homework”, you need to call your sister”, “you need to…..”

This morning as I was beginning my day, sitting in bed with my Bible, devotional book and journal those two words started coming to mind once again. But this time I didn’t protest. I allowed them to creep in and stay. I sat there as the light of morning started to peak through my window blinds and I gave in to the game that it wanted to play. As I let it take over something happened. I kept repeating the words over and over and found that I was becoming still. As I was meditating and concentrating on those two words I became oblivious to everything else around me. Closing my eyes I started to feel the presence of God fill my soul. I was still. The stillness that I so desperately wanted was now enveloping me. My breathing was slow, my mind at rest and the faint whisper of God saying, “you are mine, you are loved, you are still”.

“Be still and know that I am God…”

Blessings,
Jill

You Are Beautiful

2011-02-04T11:19:00.000-06:00

I am a simple person. Simple in that I don’t have a ton of clothes or shoes, my daily wardrobe consists of a good pair of jeans, sweater and black shoes or boots. My house is tastefully decorated with classic furniture with a few antiques here and there. I cut my hair every 4 months and wear minimal make-up. My favorite place to be is sitting by a lake. My favorite date with my husband would be dinner and a movie. I love books, hot tea and sitting at Barnes & Nobles café. But I do have a confession to make. I color my hair and just last week I went and got acrylic tips on my nails. I don’t do this because I am vain. I do it because for some unknown reason (possibly because I have children) mother nature has placed a few strands of an ugly gray color throughout my head of hair and I have become extremely lazy and irritated that my nails will only grow to a certain length before they break and nail color only lasts for a day before it chips. And I didn’t even get color on the nails just the French manicure look. You see, I like my hands. I have my grandmother’s hands and she always took the time to file them and to wear nail polish and I just feel that if I have her hands I should take care of them like she did. I don’t get all caught up with the latest fashions or trends. I try to buy clothes that will remain in style more than one season.

But what saddens me is other women who are constantly searching for that perfect body, perfect piece of clothing, perfect hair color and style when in reality they are perfect just the way they are. I’m not perfect, not even close. Even though I’ve lost over 35 pounds, my thighs have dimples, my stomach has stretch marks and my arms jiggle. But I feel good, I’m healthier and to me that is what matters most. God made me who I am, dimples, stretch marks, jiggles and all.

I haven’t always felt this way though. When I was a teenager and even into my adulthood, I thought that if I was prettier, skinnier and smarter people would like me even more. I even found myself using laxatives to lose weight after both of my daughters were born only to binge once again. I knew God loved me but I didn’t love myself. I was messing with who God intended me to be. The cycle that a I had created was taking a toll on my body and my relationship with God. Couldn’t God see how badly I wanted to lose the weight? Couldn’t he see how if I just lost the weight I wouldn’t have to spend my time worrying, I could be spending it doing something better. This went on and on for years, until one day I looked at myself in the mirror and decided that I am who I am. I still wasn’t happy with me but I couldn’t keep up with the roller coaster ride I put myself on. So I went through my days being unhappy with how I looked. I avoided mirrors, hated to get my picture taken and didn’t go shopping unless I really needed something (too many tears had been shed in dressing rooms that I tried to avoid them at all cost).

And then I started reading the Bible and searching out what God had to say about beauty. I read books from women who told their stories of feeling unworthy and not good enough until they realized that God loved them just who they were. And then I really looked in a full length mirror. I took a long hard look and I decided that I would find one thing I liked about myself. I stood there for a few minutes looking at all of me and decided that I liked my eyes and then I looked at my hands and I liked them too. I suddenly felt better. It wasn’t so awful. I smiled and decided that I would do it again the next day and I did. I found that I liked my hair and I liked my shoulders. I smiled again and I started to feel better. After a few weeks I had found more things I liked about myself and not just how I looked. I discovered many things that I did well and I suddenly started feeling good. This is what led me to join Weight Watchers last May. I wanted to feel even better. I wanted to do what God had called me to do. If I was going to be in ministry then I wanted to be able to do it with as much energy as I could give. Over these last few months it has been hard. I have had my good weeks and my bad weeks but this time I don’t beat myself up over it. I look in the mirror everyday and I see what God has given me and I say, “Thank you”. Thank you for creating me who I am for giving me the beauty and the flaws.

The Christian music group Mercy Me has a new song called “Beautiful” and it was written by the lead singer for his two small daughters. Here are the lyrics.

You're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves enough to die

You're beautiful
In His eyes

We are beautiful just the way we are. We are beautiful in His eyes.

Blessings,
Jill

Take My Hand

2011-02-03T06:00:00.001-06:00

Psalm 73:23-24, "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory"

While I was growing up there were many Saturdays that my Dad would get up and announce to the family that we would be going to Omaha Nebraska for a day of shopping at the mall. Omaha is about an hour away from where we live and back then if you wanted to go to a mall you either had to go to Omaha or Sioux Falls South Dakota. My family loved having these spontaneous family outings. On one particular day trip when I was about 7 years old, we traveled to Omaha and began a day of shopping. While we were in one of the department stores and my parents were looking at clothing in the men's department, I suddenly found myself lost. I had wandered away to look at something and when I turned around I couldn't locate anyone in my family. I suddenly panicked. As a shy child this is the most terrifying experience to have. I remember standing there and then walking one way and then another and not finding any of them. After a few moments a sales person came up to me and asked me if I was lost and I slowly shook my head yes while I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. He told me to take his hand and then he led me to the stores office, asked my name and then got on the intercom and asked my parents to come to the office to retrieve their daughter. Within a few short minutes I was safely back in my mom's arms and the ordeal was over. I was so happy and was able to enjoy the rest of the day without letting my parents out of my sight.

As an adult when I have found myself scared, lost or lonely I know that all I have to do is reach out to God, take his hand and he will lead me back to where I belong. God is always with us and when we find ourselves wandering he is there to lead us back. Like the sales person that day when I was lost, God extends his hand, leads us to safety and into the comfort and security of his outstretched arms.

I pray that you will take God's hand when you find yourself lost and that in the comfort of God's arms you will know you are safe.

Blessings,
Jill

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

2011-02-02T05:30:00.003-06:00

Today is my mom’s birthday! I’m not going to tell you how old she is, because that just wouldn’t be lady like. But I can tell you that my mom has beautiful youthful skin and has never looked as old as the amount of candles on her birthday cake. My mom and I have always had a special relationship and that is what I want to share with you today.

When I was young and very shy my mom was my protector. When I suffered from tonsillitis during elementary school she comforted me. When my fevers got to high she would soothe me. And when I would have nightmares she would be there at my bedside calming me. My mom was one of my biggest supporters. During my teen years when I felt gawky, she made me feel beautiful. She cheered me on at my basketball and volleyball games, choir and band concerts, cheer leading and the school play. She would stay up late to watch scary movies with me even though I know she really didn’t care for them. When I had struggles with friends and boyfriends, she would give me advice and dry my tears.

But our relationship was also tested when I started to think I knew more than my mom (I have since learned that my mom knew a lot more than I ever did). My mom has said that when I was 14, she loved me but that she didn’t like me very well (I didn’t like me very much either).

But the most important moment in our relationship happened when I had to tell her that I was pregnant. I was 19, a sophomore in college and even though Dave and I were engaged I was still so scared to tell her. I felt that I had let her down. But I was wrong. My mom hugged me, told me she loved me and that everything would be fine. At that moment my mom became my best friend. She never made me feel ashamed and I know that there were times that she stood up for me when others would share their opinions. She helped me plan my wedding, set up our new home, a few times brought us groceries when our cupboards got a little empty and on the night that my beautiful daughter Ashley was born she was right there by my side helping me (and Dave) through the labor pains.

My mom has been my rock. She has been there for me when I have needed advice on cooking, housework, children, marriage and life. She has been a loving grandmother to my three children and a wonderful mother-in-law to my husband. She has supported me, prayed for me and loved me. I know that I can always count on my mom to be there for me and I hope she knows that she can always count on me to be there for her. My mom is a loving, compassionate, caring, beautiful, funny and wise woman. She is who I strive to be. She is my role model and my best friend.

"You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God." ~ 1Peter 3:4

Happy Birthday Mom!!!
I Love You,

Jill

Faith and Hope

2011-02-01T16:38:00.000-06:00

It’s February 1st and it is snowing, windy and cold once again. For some this is just one more day where they have to brave the frigid temperatures and get out that snow shovel or snow blower once more to clean off the sidewalks and driveways. I am blessed to have a husband and a teenage son who do a wonderful job removing the snow from around our home while I stay toasty and warm inside. I still have to get out and drive to work, walk on the icy sidewalks and clean my car off at lunch and when I leave at the end of the day. And let me tell you, it is a windy bitter cold day today!!! Here is where I have to make a confession. I love winter. I’m sure some of you are rolling your eyes right now and thinking I am off my rocker, but the fact is I love every season that comes around. I love living in the Midwest where we get to experience the four different seasons. I feel blessed. For me winter is the expectation of what is right around the corner. It is the hope of spring and new life. When I am in the depths of winter I know that in a month or so I may see my first robin, the grass will be peaking through the left over snow, the daffodils and tulips will be blooming, the sun will feel warmer and the daylight will be longer. The anticipation and hope is what carries me through the darkness of the winter days, the snow covered streets and the below zero temps.

Our faith journey with God is like this. When we are consumed by the dark days of despair we have the faith in God that he will push the dark clouds away and the sun will shine. God will carry us through. When the pain of sorrow takes hold of us, we can trust that God will fill our hearts with love and joy once again. Like the hope of spring, there is a hope of a new tomorrow, a new life in Christ. We may not be able to see the changes but they are there. The birds are preparing to fly north, the sun is staying in the sky longer and the flower bulbs are getting ready to pop through the earth. So much of what God does for us is done behind the scenes of our lives. Directing, guiding, weaving and planting as we are unaware of his work. But even though we can’t see it, it is happening.

So if you are blessed to live in a part of the country that has 4 distinct seasons; winter, spring, summer and fall, embrace each season. Go outside and catch snowflakes on your tongue, breath in the cold air, walk in the snow, build a snowman, look at the bare trees and snow covered bushes and know that spring will begin on March 20th.

Hebrews 11:1, “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (NIV)

Romans 8:24-25, “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” (NIV)

Blessings,
Jill

Ink Spots

2011-01-31T14:59:00.001-06:00

This past Friday I was finishing up the bulletins for Sunday worship when I noticed that there were a few that came out of the copier with ink spots on them. My first reaction was to toss all of the ink spotted bulletins away and copy new ones or I could just get some whiteout and cover the ink and I would still be able to use them. I had already printed out all of them and the ink spots weren't covering up any of the wording so I decided to keep them. I got them all finished and placed them in their proper places for worship and left work for the day. But I left work still thinking of the ink spots.

The topic of my Thursday evening women's Bible study that I have been leading has been on grace, God's transforming grace. Last Thursday we did an exercise using chocolate fondue and cut up pieces of fruit, pound cake and pretzels. It was yummy! I asked the ladies if their pieces of fruit had changed after they had been dipped into the chocolate fondue? They all answered yes. The chocolate fondue had made the fruit, cake and pretzels even that much better. I then asked them if God transforms us like the chocolate fondue covered the fruit? Their answer was no. God transforms us from the inside out. It isn't just how we are on the outside but how we reflect God from the inside. God's grace is freely given. All we have to do is accept it. God also forgives us through his grace. Like those ink spots on the bulletins we are sometimes covered in sin spots. But unlike the ink spots we can't just cover them up with whiteout or toss them away. Our sin spots can only be washed away by the blood of Christ and God's amazing grace. Can you imagine if we walked around with whiteout all over us so that no one would see our sins? Or if we would just be thrown out with the trash? Thankfully God doesn't work that way. When we ask to be forgiven, God washes our sins away and forgets. Wouldn't it be nice if we forgave others the way God forgives us?

"Now it's time to change your ways! Turn to face God so he can wipe away your sins, pour out showers of blessing to refresh you, and send you the Messiah he prepared for you, namely Jesus." - Acts 3:19-20 (The Message)

Blessings,
Jill

A Whole New Year!!

2011-01-01T13:48:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year to all my friends and family. Last evening we said farewell to 2010 and hello to 2011.

And what a year 2010 was. Ashley started a new job, started taking college classes and started a new relationship with someone who truly makes her happy. Kayla graduated from college, started a new job as an assistant pre-school teacher and got married to Jerod, the love of her life. Andrew continued to be homeschooled, competed in his first mountain bike race in Rapid City SD and placed 2nd in his age category and faced some life lessons that will help him to be a stronger more responsible young man in the new year. Dave enjoyed the benefits of a great job and was able to relax a little more while not getting stressed out over the little things. I was able to fill in the pulpit at my childhood church a few times this summer and fall, started a new women's Bible study and continued to lead women's retreats at my church, realized that maybe being a Pastor in a church is not the path that God intends for me to be on, sad goodbye to my nephew as he left for Afghanistan and to my sister and her family as they moved a few hundred miles away and in November gave the eulogy at my grandmothers funeral.

2010 was faced with a lot of joy, a few tears and some personal challenges for Dave and I. But even through it all God was there; comforting, rejoicing, redeeming and sustaining each of us. Praise be to God.

And now as I look towards this new year, I am once again faced with a feeling of anticipation, excitement and hope. What will this new year bring? What does God have planned for me? For this year I pray that I will have the ears to hear, the eyes to see, the heart to feel and the mind to know what God is planning for me. I will continue to seek a more healthier lifestyle. I will continue to listen for God's direction in my ministry. I will continue to seek peace in my life at home and at work. I will continue to believe in the goodness of others. I will continue to be less judgmental and more accepting. And I will try and seek the quiet moments in my everyday life so that I may feel the presence of God and to hear his voice.

My wish for all of you in 2011 is that God will give you the love, joy, peace, hope, strength and mercy that you will need. I pray that you will seek God first before anything else and that your heart be filled with love, your soul be filled with peace, your voice be filled with kindness and your mind be filled with hope.

Blessings for a very Happy New Year!!!!
Jill

Second Week of Advent - Peace

2010-12-08T21:33:00.000-06:00

We are in the midst of the second week of Advent and "peace" is what I am meditating on. Every year when my children have asked me what I want for Christmas, my answer is always, Peace. They usually roll their eyes and say, "Oh mom, come on just tell me what you want for Christmas". The truth is, I do just want peace. Peace in this world, peace in my family, peace in my job, peace in my church, just good ol' fashion peace. And this year my yearning for peace is magnified with the reality that my 21 year old nephew is in Afghanistan fighting a war in a country that is so mysterious to me. Everyday I put my faith and trust in God that Ben will come home safely when his tour is done.

Peace. It is that calming, meditative state that only can be obtained after the chaos, struggles, challenges and war is over. What we have to go through to obtain peace can put most of us over the edge. But it is that calmness and serenity that makes us persevere through it all to be able to be in a place of peace.

In the months, weeks and days leading up to the birth of Christ, Joseph and Mary's lives were anything but peaceful. To be a young unmarried girl facing the realization of being with child must have been overwhelming and frightening at times. For Joseph the impending time of the birth of Mary's child was most likely a time of preparing, questioning and searching. There was so much for both of them to try and understand that their minds must have been going non stop. Questions of "What will people say?", "How will people react?" and "Why me?" must have been spoken between the two of them in the weeks before Mary's body would show the growing roundness of her belly. Peace was not around them as the time came for Mary to give birth and there was no where for her to lie down. The sounds of the animals around them in the stable and the cries of a newborn baby as he took his first breath would have broken any peaceful silence on that night so long ago.

But peace is what was brought into the world that night as Christ was born. The peace of knowing that God's greatest gift had come to save us all. Where there was chaos, anger, struggles and war, peace would surpass it all. As Christ lay in the arms of Mary, and as Joseph, the shepherds and animals gathered around, peace rang out through all the land as the voices of angels were heard singing, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men".

Blessings,
Jill

First Week of Advent - Hope

2010-12-01T05:00:00.005-06:00

Today is the first day of the last month of 2010 and we are in the midst of the first week of Advent. The air is cold and the Christmas holiday is upon us. This first week of Advent always gives me Hope for what Christmas and the New Year will bring. Hope is found throughout the entire Bible. The Israelites had hope when they left Egypt and traveled for forty years and then found themselves standing on the edge of the promised land. Noah had hope when he built the ark and watched it rain for forty days and forty nights and then was greeted by an amazing rainbow in the sky. Job had hope as he endured loss, pain, discomfort and then was blessed by God. Sarah had hope that she would give birth to a child and then watched as her stomach grew and her child was born. Hope is what gives us the will to go on. Hope is what gives us the endurance to survive. Hope is what is given to us as we await the coming of Christ. Hope for peace, joy and love in our families, our lives and in our world. Hope is what I have as I pray for my nephew to return safely home from serving in Afghanistan. Hope is what I have as I watch a world torn apart by war, disease and natural disasters, that one day we will live in peace, cures will be found for diseases and no one will go hungry. Hope is what I have as I pray for those who do not have Christ in their lives that they to will find peace in the love of Jesus. During this Advent I pray that you too will find Hope in your lives. May the anticipation of Christmas fill your life with the Hope of a new tomorrow, the Hope of a better world and the Hope that one day all will rejoice in the love of God.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit - Romans 15:13

Blessings,
Jill

Being Thankful

2010-11-24T21:34:00.000-06:00

It is the night before Thanksgiving, the cinnamon rolls are rising, the breakfast casserole is setting up in the refrigerator and the vegetables are cleaned and prepped for their trip to my brothers home for Thanksgiving dinner and I am having a moment of feeling thankful for all of the blessings that God has blessed me with this past year.
This past year has brought struggles, challenges, triumphs, joy and sadness and thankfully God has been right there with me; holding, pushing, comforting, rejoicing, guiding and protecting me. For that I am eternally grateful

I have watched one daughter graduate from college and my other daughter begin the journey of taking college classes online. And for that I am grateful for the determination and initiative of both of my daughters.

I have witnessed my son decide to leave high school to be home schooled, pass drivers ed and receive his license, have his self-confidence soar and earn second place in his first mountain bike race in Rapid City SD. And for that I am grateful for his courage and perseverance.

I was blessed to help plan my daughters wedding, place her veil over her face, watch her dad lift it off, watch her marry the love of her life and welcome that young man into our family. And for that I am truly grateful.

I have felt my love for my husband grow deeper and stronger. He has supported me through my weight loss and through all of the time and commitment that being in ministry involves. I am grateful for his love, patience, strength and commitment to our family, our marriage and to me.

I have worked so hard on losing weight and have achieved a 33 pound weight loss since May. I feel healthy and more self-confident than I have in a very long time. And I am grateful for the ability to reach my goals and to continue on this journey of weight loss.

I am thankful for my parents who still encourage, support and love me for who I am. For my extended family who love and support me and help to make life fun and a little crazy at times.

I am thankful for my friends who surround me with their love, support, comfort and laughter when I need it.

I am thankful for the women who attend my Bible studies and retreats. They have taught me so much and they have helped me to have an even closer relationship with God.

I am thankful that I was invited to preach at my childhood church over the past 6 months as they searched for a new pastor for their church. They will always be considered part of my family.

This past year I have had to say goodbye to friends and family who have moved away but have also welcomed new friends into my life.

I was blessed to be surrounded by all of my family and cousins as we said goodbye to our grandma.

There have been so many blessings this past year and I know that none of it would have been possible without my faith in God and his love, mercy, grace and guidance in my life.

I pray that each of you have a very blessed and Happy Thanksgiving.

Blessings,
Jill

Having to say goodbye

2010-11-22T20:40:00.000-06:00

I'm not even sure how to start this blog today. It has been a hard journey over the past few weeks. On Saturday, October 30th I received a call from my mom telling me that my grandmother had only a few moments left of her life. Dave took be directly to the nursing home so that I could be with my mom and grandma. Within 15 minutes of arriving my grandma took her last breath and her spirit left her body. It was the most incredible moment I have ever witnessed other than the birth of each of my children. It was a blessing to be there in that moment. Life is a miracle coming in and a miracle going out.

My grandmother was 90 years old and had lived in a care facility over the last 5 years. Arthritis had consumed her beautiful body and dementia had crept into her mind. She was an incredible lady. At the funeral I was able to deliver the eulogy and I was honored to do it. My grandma was Irish/English. She was a woman that could be fun loving one moment and completely controlling the next. Everything she did was out of love for her husband and family. My grandfather passed away 10 years ago and my grandma had missed him everyday. When she breathed her last breath here on earth I knew that she was being embraced by my grandpa and they were dancing on heaven's floor.

The day before she died I had been visiting with her and when it was time for me to leave she held my hand and told me I was precious. Those were the last words my grandma spoke to me and I will treasure them forever. My grandma was precious to me. She loved to dress her best, have her nails and hair done, kept her house nice and neat and was a marvelous cook. She was a very classy lady and I miss her so much. She was a woman of faith who read her bible daily and knew how important it was to go to church and be a part of a community of faith. She reached out to her neighbors and friends and taught all of us how important that was. At her funeral there were many of her former neighbors, co-workers, church friends and family that gathered to say goodbye and to honor her with their loving words and memories.

It is hard to believe as the days pass that I am not able to talk to her, to hear her words of wisdom or see her beautiful smile. But when I look at my hands I see her hands and when I look in the mirror I see her smile. I thank God everyday for the time that I had with her and I pray that I can be as strong as she was in her faith and her life.

Goodbye grandma. I miss you and love you,
Jill

A Beautiful Bride

2010-10-11T20:52:00.007-05:00

Hello friends,

For the past 10 months we have been planning a wedding. It has taken quite a bit of my time but so worth every minute of it. On Saturday, October 9th my daughter Kayla married the love of her life, Jerod. It was one of the most special days in my life and in the life of our family. The day was absolutely beautiful and Kayla was a vision of beauty. Jerod's mom is one of my dearest friends. When the kids were younger we would joke around about the two of them getting married. Little did we know at that time that it was in our future and we are so thrilled it became a reality. Jerod and Kayla are the cutest couple and complete each other perfectly.

When they started dating 3 1/2 years ago I had prayed that if God wanted them to be together that nothing would stand in there way. On Saturday when they stood in our church in front of God, family and friends I knew that God had played a mighty hand in all of it. Our families are so blessed by these two young people. Jerod is the nicest young man and you can see the love he has for Kayla in everything he does. We are so blessed that God brought them together.

Kayla's sister Ashley sang "Love Never Fails" by Brandon Heath at the wedding and she sounded like an angel. As my husband walked Kayla down the aisle all of these pictures started playing in my mind; Kayla as a baby, learning to walk, riding a bike, playing with her doll house, dance recitals, first day of school, cheerleading, and so many more. It was as if the past 22 years had flown by and the moment became surreal. How could my baby girl be standing in front of me having her father lift her veil over her face and setting her hand into Jerods? Where did the time go? Now don't get me wrong, I am so happy and excited for them. It's just that it seems like yesterday that she was wanting me to help her put a wedding dress on her barbie doll. But on Saturday I was helping her get into her wedding dress.

I can't wait to get back the pictures from the photographer but here are a few that family were able to capture.

I will post more about it later, but wanted to share with you a little part of the day.

Blessings,

Jill

It's good to be back from a very busy Summer!!

2010-09-12T19:56:00.004-05:00

Hello dear blog friends,

I've missed you!! To say I have been busy is an understatement. Summer is usually a time of relaxing and no busy schedules. This last spring I had no idea what I would be doing this Fall and no idea how busy I would be during this past summer. The best I can do to explain is to just tell you what I've been up to each month. Hopefully I won't bore you but it's the only way. So here it goes.

May - On Mother's Day I hosted a brunch for both sides of the family. It was so great to have everyone here and the weather turned out to be cool but no rain. My Aunt and Uncle from Missouri were able to be here and it was so nice to visit with them.

I had an opportunity to preach one Sunday at my childhood church 3rd Presbyterian. It is always so nice to go "back home" to be with those who helped set this girl on her faith journey.

We celebrated the graduations of our neices, Emily and Lindsey. I can not believe that they are old enough to be heading off to college this Fall. They are beautiful young women and I am so proud of them.

June - June started out with going to Des Moines Iowa for 4 days to attend the Iowa Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church. What a wonderful time spent with hundreds of people who love the Lord and want the church to continue to grow and do the work of the Lord. I also got to room with my dear friend Valerie who at the time was the Associate Pastor at our church but was appointed July 1 to another church in a community 3 hours away.

3rd Presbyterian invited me to preach 2 Sundays in June with one of them being on Father's Day . What a great day! I had family there that had not heard me preach and it was a very special day. Part of my message was spent talking about my Dad and what he has taught me in my life. It was emotional but I made it through and my Dad gave me a huge hug at the end of the service.

On June 22nd my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Our 3 kids had a dinner party the Saturday before at a local restaurant with family and friends. It was a lovely evening and meant so much to us. I still can't believe it has been 25 years. It has not always been easy and Dave and I have grown up so much. But as I said that night to everyone "I wouldn't have missed a minute of it". I love my husband more today then the day we got married. I love his sense of humor, intelligence, support, strength, kindness, faith and love for his family. I pray that we are able to celebrate many more anniversaries together. God truly blessed me with Dave.

At the end of June I had to say goodbye to my friend Valerie. It was bittersweet as we celebrated her wedding to a wonderful man and wished her the best in her new church.

July - July brought 2 more Sundays of preaching at 3rd Pres and also chauffeuring our son to Drivers Ed classes. We celebrated my baby brother's 40th birthday and spent some time with my nieces from Montana who spend their summers with their Dad (my brother) and my sister-in-law.

August - August started off by saying goodbye to my nephew Sgt. Benjamin Handke as he left for Camp Shelby Mississippi. He will be deployed to Afghanistan in October. He is such a wonderful young man who is very strong in his faith and a great big brother to his sister Emily. I am so proud of him and pray that he will come home safely a year from now.

Kayla graduated from college and we were able to finally go on vacation to my parents cabin in Minnesota. It was a week of pure relaxation and fun. I was able to bike, swim, kayak and walk each day. Dave and I got up before everyone else each day and took the dog along with a cup of coffee to the dock and watched the beauty of God's creation. I've said it before but it truly is my very own "sanctuary". It is the most beautiful place on earth. One week just isn't enough but I am so blessed and thankful to be able to have a place like it to go to.

We celebrated my brother-in-laws 40th birthday and I was able to preach 2 Sundays at 3rd Pres and my brother who had never heard me preach before was able to be there for one of the Sundays.

I had to say goodbye to my sister Terri ,as she and her husband and little girl Aimee moved to Spearfish South Dakota. I've never been this far away from her and it is hard. She is the mother of Ben and her other daughter Emily started her freshman year at Iowa State.

Kayla's soon to be mother-in-law and my dear friend Sandy, gave her a beautiful bridal shower and our computer room is now filled with shower gifts.

September is now here and I am busy preparing for my Thursday evening Woman's Bible study that starts this Thursday and the One Day Women's Retreat that is on September 18th.

I am still trying to find my dress for the wedding and it is less than 4 weeks away. There is so much that still needs to be done for the wedding and I just keep praying that God will give me the patience and calmness that I need. The one thing I don't want to do is to get all caught up in the details and miss the experience of my daughter getting married.

Thankfully I was not asked to preach this month. I believe God knew that it would probably put me over the edge.

As you can see I was not appointed to a church. I spent May and June waiting but nothing happened and that is okay. I have said from the very beginning that when God is ready to open the door, there will be no obstacles in the way and I will have a place at a church.

I am still busy with my ministry and feel very called to continue in Women's Ministry. I have even felt that it is the area God wants me to be in. I just wake up every day asking God to use me in the way he sees fit and to open the doors to make it happen.

So there you have it. My summer in a nutshell. So how was your summer? Anything happen that you would like to share? Where did you go on vacation? Do you have a special place where you feel God's presence? I would love to hear from you.

Blessings,
Jill

Doing the "limbo" thing!

2010-05-03T20:15:00.000-05:00

My life has been in limbo and I don't like the feeling. I've been on a journey over the last 4 years to be in ministry. My first thought was to have a bigger role as a lay person within my church and then I started to feel God calling me to do something even larger. I kept feeling the nudge to look into becoming a Local Pastor in the United Methodist Church. Maybe I shouldn't say nudge but call. Over the last 2 years that is the direction that I have felt led to go. I have taken all the steps, answered questions, taken tests and in November was declared a certified candidate for ministry. So what does that mean? Well, in the United Methodist Church it means that I am now on the list to be appointed to a church. And that is what has me feeling like my life is in limbo. I have felt like my life is in the hands of the Bishop and Cabinet of District Superintendents and not my own. Starting in January and February each year the Bishop and Cabinet start preparing and working towards setting up the appointments. If you are one waiting to hear, it can be a very stressful time until you receive a call. I have not received a call yet. You see, when you receive the call you have a decision to make. Do I take it or do I decline. If you take it then you meet with the church leaders and if everything looks and feels right, you have a church. Your life then has direction. You know where you are going and when it is happening. During the time of waiting for a call, your life is in limbo. It's hard to make plans for vacation. You're not sure if you should make decisions on doing anything in your church for the next program year because you're not sure if you are going to be there. It's a hard place to be. During this time my moods have been like a roller coaster ride. One minute I'm fine with not getting called and the next I'm upset. I started to question what it was God wanted me to do. Maybe my place is not in the pulpit but creating a stronger women's ministry at my church or maybe I need to look for other options in another denomination. I have had the most restless nights of sleep that I have had to take a Tylenol PM just to get a full nights sleep once in a while. It has been driving me crazy!! I have questioned myself and God and have not received any answers. That is until today.

Today as I sat at work I had an "Ah Ha" moment. Who am I to question God? Who am I to doubt what it is God has been working within me? Who am I to question myself and my abilities? Who am I to try and figure it out on my own and make decisions that may not benefit me and may go against God's plans?

God has a plan for me and even though I can't see the end result I shouldn't try and second guess him or myself. If I don't get called to be in the pulpit then it just means God has something else planned. Maybe God wants me to work a little bit more and fine tune what I have been doing. Maybe God is waiting to open another door that will result in something bigger and better than I ever thought possible. Maybe, just maybe God is in control and I'm not. "Wham", that's the thought that set my head spinning.

God is in control. The funny thing is, is that on Sunday I preached at my church I grew up in, giving them God's message that he is in control. That we are not to worry or be anxious about anything but instead we should spend that time in prayer. It was a message from Philippians 4:1-9. It is a great passage and this "pastor to be" should have been listening to her own words. Sometimes the one who needs to hear it the most is the one speaking the words. God has quite the sense of humor!!!!

So I sit here waiting, but not in limbo. I'm going to go about my days doing what I normally do. I'll look at new Bible studies. I'll read the books I purchased on how to develop a strong Women's Ministry. I'll fill in at the pulpit for other churches. I'll research new material for next year's women's retreat. What I will not do is worry or question God. I will not spend anymore time trying to decipher what it is I am suppose to do. I won't spend time looking at the calendar and planning alternate vacation dates. I will set the date and plan our vacation to Little Blueberry Lake. I will live my life each day knowing that God is the Master Designer of my life and I will stand in the presence of his mighty hand as he directs the stars, paints the most beautiful colors across the universe and prepares for me a journey worth waiting for.

Blessings,
Jill

God's Pop Quiz!

2010-04-09T14:13:00.000-05:00

For the past few days I have been studying the book of "Titus". Reading it's words, contemplating them in my head and praying that I can live out these words in my everyday life. On Thursday God decided to give me a little "Life" pop quiz. You see, the book of Titus (written by Paul and for his "true son in common faith", Titus) gives us instructions on how to live our lives, in the church and outside of the church. He instructs us to not be overbearing, not quick-tempered, but to be hospitable, self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He goes on and instructs us to be mentors to the young, to show integrity and to be fully trusted.

On Thursday I failed God's pop quiz. Dreadfully failed it with a big fat "F" as a parent.

Thursday started out with the sun shining and the wind not blowing at 50 miles per hour. As I gazed out our front picture window I thanked God for what looked like a beautiful day ahead of me. I showered, did my hair, make-up and put on a freshly pressed blouse. I have to admit that when I looked in the mirror I was very happy with what I saw. I felt great! And to top it off, I had a hair appointment that I was looking forward to going to. I hadn't seen my "real" beautician in quite sometime and was in desperate need of a good cut. I had hurriedly gone to a less expensive establishment a couple of times and had even on one of those occasions got the bright or not so bright idea to get bangs. I now realize I was hormonal at the time and was not of sound mind. My "real" beautician would have realized that.

My husband had already left to attend an all day conference and my daughter had left for her morning class. Our son was lazily lying in bed as I said goodbye, grabbed my purse and bag and headed to my van. When I opened the door the sound of beeping started to go off and I noticed that the spare key had been left in the ignition. My son the previous night had pulled the van into the garage for me. He has his permit and is always looking for a chance to drive one of the vehicles. I took out the spare, put in my key and turned the ignition. Nothing. Only the click, click noise of a van that did not want to start. And then I saw it. The inside lights had been left on all night. At this point I have to admit I could feel the temperature rising within me. I tried again and nothing. I got out of the van, stomped up the stairs and stood in the doorway of my son's room. This is where I failed. Instead of having self-control, staying calm and turning this into a learning experience as a mentor to a young person, I yelled. "You left the key in the ignition and the lights on and now my van won't start". "What were you thinking?". How am I going to get to work?" And most importantly, "How am I going to get to my hair appointment?" I stomped down the stairs called my husband but he didn't pick up. I yelled the same questions again to no one in particular, grabbed my stuff and headed out the front door. I was walking to work. Thankfully we only live 6 blocks away. After 2 blocks I looked down to notice I had on my black dress shoes and my feet were already starting to hurt. I was not turning back. I kept going, thinking the walk would give me time to calm down. It didn't. By the time I got to work, I was sweating, my hair had fallen and my feet hurt! It was not one of my finer moments.

An hour later my daughter called and offered to let me borrow her car in the afternoon for my hair appointment. Relieved I wouldn't miss my appointment I accepted her offer. But as the day went on, I felt increasingly terrible for the way I handled the situation. Here I had been studying the Word and praying to live it out and I failed at the first opportunity to do it. I could have shown my son how to react in a godly way, but I chose to let my emotions take over and turned into the mom I work very hard not to be. The "freak out", "jump to conclusions", "hot tempered" awful mom.

When I arrived home later, I apologized to my son and he apologized for leaving the lights on and he and his dad left to go purchase a new battery. All was well and yet God's words kept coming back to me. God had given me a test and although I failed, I learned a lot too. I learned that although I am not perfect, God forgives me and I am a work in progress. I learned that just because I failed this time, I will hopefully not react in the same way the next time. I learned that my son loves me and a dead battery only stops your car from going, not your life.

Blessings,
Jill

How did we get here?

2010-04-02T16:47:00.000-05:00

Today is Good Friday. How did we get here? Wasn't it just yesterday we were celebrating the birth of our King? The snow was blowing and the wind was howling and we were unwrapping Christmas gifts and eating cookies and drinking hot cocoa. How did we get here? The days dragged on through January with cold winter nights and icy roads. We huddled under quilts and blankets and watched the snow fly. How did we get here? February brought promise with Ash Wednesday and Lent began. In March we started to feel the warmth of the sun and we started to prepare for the arrival once again for the King, only this time he was riding on a donkey alone while people spread palm branches and coats in front of him. How did we get here? We gathered last evening for our Kings last supper. We listened, prayed and ate of the bread and drank of the wine. We sang of what was going to happen. And today came. We woke this morning to cloudy skies and drops of rain but by midday the sun came out and the wind began to blow. And today came. This evening we will gather to sing the song "Were You There?" and we will pray. Tears will appear in some of our eyes as we think of our King on the cross. Beaten and hung with nails in his wrists and nails in his feet. Nailed to a cross with a crown of thorns on his head. Blood soaked and pierced with a sword in his side. And today came. Today came with a promise. A promise of a new day. A day that will be filled with joy and the sounds of trumpets blowing. A day that will be filled with the promise of love and forgiveness to all of the broken. And today came so that we may have the gift of eternal life with our King.

"Jesus, seeing that everything had been completed so that the scripture record might also be complete, then said, "I'm thirsty." A jug of sour wine was standing by. Someone put a sponge soaked with the wine on a javelin and lifted it to his mouth. After he took the wine, Jesus said, "It's done...complete." Bowing his head, he offered up his spirit." (John 19:28-30 The Message).

Blessings,
Jill

A Very Proud Aunt!

2010-03-26T21:11:00.000-05:00

My niece Emily is a senior in high school and will be off to college this next Fall. When she was a baby I babysat her for the first few months of her little life. She has been a loving, funny, intelligent beautiful child and I am very proud to be her Aunt Jill. She has always had a special place in my heart. A few weeks ago she invited me to come and listen to her give a special talk to a group of young people who are part of T.E.C (Teens Encountering Christ). This afternoon I was privileged enough to listen to her speak to this group of high school age kids. She spoke on how her parents divorce had affected her relationship with her Mom (my sister) and how for a few years she could not get over everything that had happened. She talked about how she had loved her family the way it was and how she didn't understand why her world was falling apart and why God was letting it happen. How could she? She was in 6th grade and most of us couldn't understand, and we were adults. She spoke from the heart with her Mom and her Dad sitting there, how it had completely devastated her and how angry she was at her Mom. She was brought up going to church and Sunday school and knowing who God was. But the divorce stirred something inside of her that she didn't understand. She was not only mad at her Mom but she was mad at God. She said she would put on this happy face when in reality she was angry. But God is good and never gives up on us. In January of this year something happened to her while participating in a T.E.C weekend. God stirred something inside of her and her eyes were opened and the anger went away. She felt God working within in her and she walked away from that weekend a changed person. She spoke so eloquently, with courage, strength and faith that most adults don't have. My eyes were filled with tears as I watched this beautiful young woman tell her faith story with poise and grace. As she was surrounded by her family, friends and peers she was also surrounded by God. She spoke of God's never ending love for us. How God gave his only Son for us, so that we could be free.
This young woman touched the hearts of those young people this afternoon and when it was over 3 of them spoke to her about their own struggles when their parents divorced and how her talk had spoken to them. They were changed too. There has been a fire ignited inside of her that glows from the inside out and she is not afraid to tell those around her how it happened and what God can do. I am so very proud of her! I pray that God will continue to work within her. That he will continue to give her the strength, grace and courage to face the challenges that will be put before her as she grows from a young woman into an adult. I pray that she will always know she is loved. I pray that she will feel God's warm embrace and the comfort of his healing touch. I pray that she will be able to tell her story so that it may help others who are struggling with the choices that they have made or the choices that others have made. May God continue to bless Emily today and always.
Blessings,
Jill

Happy Birthday To Me!!

2010-03-18T09:11:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to Me!! I think it's okay to say Happy Birthday to yourself? I don't say it to "toot my own horn" but it is a marvelous day when you reach another birthday. I'm 45 today and feel very blessed that I have not had any major health issues in my life. I've watched friends go through cancer treatments, surgeries and chronic health concerns over the past few years. I thank God everyday for my health but I am always aware that it could change in a flash. So I'm not taking this birthday for granted. I'm still walking this earth for a reason and I know that God knows what that is. It's this journey that I am on and every morning it starts with that first step when I leave my warm, comfy, cozy bed. It's the journey that helps me get through each day praising God and trying my hardest to love my neighbor (every neighbor). My wish for this next year is to walk on the path that God is leading me on. Making every day count. I want the people that I meet to see Jesus in me. His loving, non-judgmental, forgiving, patient presence.
May your next birthday bring you good health, God's presence and the reassurance of God's forgiving, non-judging, loving presence in your life as well.
Blessings,
Jill

I'm back with the robins!

2010-03-17T20:24:00.000-05:00

I know, it has been almost 2 months since I have written on this blog. I'm not sure if it was the weather or just being very busy that I barely had time to sit and read the blogs that I like to follow. Anyway I am back. Partly because I have some wonderful news to share. Drumroll please......I saw my first Robin of spring this morning!!!!!!!!! I go crazy this time of year looking to find my first robin. As I drive I am scouting out the yards while trying hard not to hit the cars parked along the side of the street. I heard a rumor that a couple people had spotted one in the last two weeks so I knew they were around and today was the day. Right there in the middle of three squirrels running in our neighbors yard, stood a big fat orange breasted robin. Luckily I was at a stop sign so I was able to adjust my eyes, blink a few times and take a long look. A robin. A beautiful orange breasted robin standing and staring right back at me as if to say, "Hello. Have you missed me?"
We have had the longest winter on record. The snow started to fall before Christmas and didn't stop until mid February. And then the cold, colder, coldest winds blew in and everything just froze still. Over the last couple of weeks the snow has slowly been melting away and the green grass is finally apprearing. A friend of mine even has tulips popping up alongside her home. We have had huge flocks of geese overhead flying northward. But the sun has not shone it's lovely face for quite some time. That is until this afternoon. By 2pm it poked it's face around a cloud and spread it's rays over the sky. What a beautiful sight.
It is spring. Beautiful, beautiful spring. And yes I know we could get a few more flakes even by this weekend, but today it is spring and I am enjoying every wonderful minute of it. Praise be to God for this wonderful gift of rebirth and renewal.
Blessings,
Jill

Hope and Love

2010-01-21T20:04:00.000-06:00

It has now been 10 days since the earthquake shook, destroyed and crippled the small country of Haiti. I have been trying to get my head wrapped around all of the images and stories that have been coming out of the devastation. Some days I just look up towards heaven and quietly say, "Why?" Other days the tears just begin to fall and my heart aches with a pain that is so intense I am unable to understand. I watch the news reports and cry with joy when a child or an adult is pulled from the rubble and is breathing, talking or stretching their arms towards the sky. The images are so clear, so raw and yet I feel so far away from the reality of life in Haiti. I'm just one person who lives in Iowa and wonders what can I do? How can I help? Where do I begin?

So I pray and pray and pray and place my offering for Haiti in the plate on Sunday. And again I ask myself, "What can I do?" I pray again and again and again and this Sunday I will put more money in the offering plate designated towards Haiti. I am just one person with a heart full of hope and love for all of those affected by the earthquake, here and there. I know that my prayers are heard and my money is used. I might not be able to go but God has sent those who can. I may not be able to purchase the supplies and place them on a plane but God has directed the people that can. I might not be able to take in an orphan but God has placed it on the hearts of those who will. My prayers may seem small and my money a drop in the bucket of what is needed. But my God will take all of those prayers and they will make a difference and my money will be put with all of the other money and it will buy the supplies, food, water and will rebuild a country that will one day flourish and I know this, because my God is LOVE!

If you would like to give but are unsure where to send your money. Go to
gbgm-umc.org/umcor. And click on UMCOR Advance #418325 give now. The United Methodist Committee On Relief is a great organization that will use your money for the purpose of buying supplies, food,water and more for those in Haiti. They have teams of people in Haiti right now who are helping those in need. If you go to their website it has updates and information on what they are doing in Haiti.

May the God of love bless you and your loved ones today.

Blessings,
Jill

A Lovely Day

2010-01-09T19:19:00.000-06:00

Today was just a good day! Kayla and Andrew both had to work and because I cleaned the house yesterday, Dave and I got to just hang out. We don't get to do that very often, so today was so nice. After returning two Christmas presents to the store and making a trip to the Christian bookstore (I purchased another study Bible) we headed off to Barnes & Nobles to have a coffee and read magazines. Two hours of chatting, sipping a cinnamon dolce latte and looking at magazines is a real treat. Especially without any kids interrupting. Dave and I actually had an adult conversation. You know the kind; discussing current events or insights into what one of us had read and sharing opinions and questions. It was wonderful. Thank you God for such a lovely day.
Blessings,
Jill

Better Late Then Never

2010-01-07T21:36:00.000-06:00

This evening I finally got around to doing my Christmas cards. I know, Epiphany was yesterday and in the "real" world Christmas is over, but I knew that if I didn't get them done it would drive me mad. I had already written the Christmas letter and made copies so all I had to do was sign the card, slip the letter inside, stuff both into the envelope and address the envelope. While going through my address book I realized that so many of the people in my book have since gone to reside in heaven. After I got done with the cards I decided to get out my new day planner/address book and put the names of those who are still with us into it. It made me sad looking at all of those who have already gone ahead of me. So many of my relatives and a few friends.

Life is short here on earth. We aren't given much time and the time that we are given we seem to waste with petty problems that escalate into major drama in our lives. Why is that? Why do we gravitate toward the drama and slink away from the peace? Maybe because we see so much of it on television? The news, reality shows, movies, even commercials are filled with drama. But so much of it is not the big drama, it's the little drama. Big drama to me is a tragedy, a death, a car accident, war, a child disappears, a family breaks up. But it's the little dramas that have everyone so out of control. The "he said she said" statements, name calling, a misunderstood look, giving your opinion or advice and finding it wasn't wanted even though it was asked for, too much money, not sharing, not giving, being over weight or under weight, the clothes that you wear, the house you live in, or the car that you drive, someone hooking up with someone.... I could go on and on. What does this say about our world?

Have we become a world of me, me, me? Do you remember the old coca cola commercial where all of those people are standing together, holding hands, drinking a bottle of coke and singing, "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...."? I love that commercial and I wish they would play it again or even remake it. Isn't that who we are to be? Isn't that how God wants us to be? Standing together, all different races, colors, languages, ages, male, female, young and old? Sharing a smile, a laugh and a song?

But maybe that's what heaven is like? Wouldn't it be nice if we had a little heaven mentality here on earth? Just something to think about.

Blessings,
Jill

The Fast That Didn't Last

2010-01-06T19:37:00.000-06:00

Last evening I had to make the decision that my 21 day fast was not going to be completed. After 2 days of feeling sluggish, cold and having a major headache I decided that I would not be able to keep going. I believe it has a lot to do with the weather that we have been receiving since Christmas. The temperature has dipped down to between -20 and -30 degrees below zero and the snow continues to fall. We are in the depths of winter and I think that the physical body is unable to deal with a fast in sub-zero weather. I feel that God was speaking to me yesterday and telling me that it would be okay to experience it when the temperatures rise and that is what I am doing. I'm finding that I am still having that deep connection to God regardless of abstaining from food. The snow which caused our Christmas eve services to be cancelled has hit again tonight and the first Wednesday evening activities of the New Year were cancelled as well due to blizzard warnings throughout the evening. With not much else to do except to watch football or read, I am spending much of my time reading his Word and journaling. This is one of the hardest winters we have had in a very long time. We have almost 30 inches of snow on the ground and it makes for slippery and treacherous driving and with the bitter cold you find yourself not going out of your home at night. I find it refreshing and a saving grace. It has forced myself and others to slow down. Our driving, walking and activities have all gone down to a snails pace and it is good. The weeks leading up to Christmas found most of us running around and trying to complete task after task. Sure we usually slow down for a few days between Christmas and New Years but then it is back to the "rat race". The snow has changed everything and for that I am grateful. A few days before Christmas I told my husband that I would like to have just 5 days of nothing to do. Just nothing to do and no one making me feel guilty for not doing anything. God has answered my prayers plus so much more. He has blanketed the earth with snow and has given me a lot of down time to reflect on all of the blessings that I do have. Like heat, electricity, a home, a car that starts every morning, food that I can turn into comforting meals for my family, time spent with my family and time, lots of time. I pray that everyone will be able to experience a little God given down time too this winter.

Blessings,
Jill

21 Day Fast

2010-01-04T20:23:00.000-06:00

Last year during Holy Week I experienced my first time with fasting. I had been wanting to try this spiritual discipline and so with a lot of thought and prayer, I decided that Holy Week would be a good time. It was an awesome experience. It took every bit of strength to go that week with only liquids to fill my stomach. But it was well worth it. I developed a deeper and greater relationship with my Heavenly Father. By the time Easter morning came I felt open and raw. My emotions were fresh and my mind was clear.

I decided that I would fast again. So over the past few months I have been thinking about when I should. While in the Christian book store after Christmas I came across a book by Jentezen Franklin titled "Fasting". Jentezen is the pastor of Free Chapel in Gainesville, Georgia. He explains in the book that for a few years he fasted for the first 21 days of each year. He found that it made the year start with an opportunity to develop a closer to relationship with God. The relationship became more intimate and powerful. He then felt called to share this with his congregation and so now some from his congregation have started to fast the first 21 days of the year too. They begin on the first Sunday after January 1st. I liked this concept. Starting off the year fasting and in prayer with God.

Due to a family commitment yesterday, I started my 21 day fast today. Just like during Holy Week my family is trying to grasp what I am doing. My husband worries that I will get sick and my son wonders if it means I won't fix supper. I reassure them that everything will be fine. I drink a lot of water, tea, juice, milk and broth based soups. There will be many times that I will be around food, but I know that God will be right there with me. Jesus says that there are 3 things we are to do, give, pray and fast. If Jesus can fast for 40 days with the devil constantly tempting him, I can fast for 21 days. It will be a challenge, but what I have learned in my 44 years is that no matter what you do or don't do, life is going to throw you challenges. But with God I can make it through anything.

Blessings,
Jill

Packing Up Memories

2010-01-02T16:09:00.000-06:00

Today my husband and I took down and put away all the Christmas decorations. What a job! I don't remember it being so bad putting it all up? I guess the excitement of Christmas makes it a lot more fun. When we got to the tree, I wasn't prepared for how sad it would be to separate our daughter Kayla's ornaments from all the others. This was her last Christmas she will be spending at our home. Next year she and Jerod will be married and putting their first Christmas tree up in their first home and all of those beautiful ornaments will hang on their tree. Ballerinas, princesses, cheerleaders, etc... will be missing from our tree. Another box of ornaments packed up and ready to hang on a different tree. When I packed up our oldest daughters ornaments I cried too. All those years of watching them pick out that special ornament. So many memories and a virtual scrapbook of what they were interested in that particular year. Each has their name and year that it was purchased on it.

This new year will again bring changes and learning to adapt to another child beginning a new life away from this home. Change is good. Change helps us grow. But it is those growing pains that hurt so much.

I'm excited for the new life that she will be starting. Being able to watch her become a married woman is gift. This year I will find myself reflecting on all of those years that she was just our little girl. But I am so happy to know that this year there will be many new memories that will be made between mom and daughter as we share these last few months before she is married.

Blessings,

Jill

Exciting Anticipation!!

2010-01-01T12:37:00.000-06:00

A new year brings an excitement of anticipation for me. What will this year bring? Where will I be a year from today? What new journeys will God direct me to? What challenges will I face? These are questions I ask myself every January 1st. This year is no exception. 2009 was filled with challenges, changes, tears and joy filled moments. In 2009 my husband started a new job, our oldest daughter left a bad relationship and moved back to our city, our son decided to be home schooled, our second daughter got engaged and I graduated from the School of Lay Ministry and became a certified candidate for ministry. Our family has worked through and overcome some very difficult challenges that have followed us for five years (we are still working through them but there is a very bright light at the end of the tunnel that we can see). While working at our church I have had to say goodbye to a few members this past year who have gone to live with Jesus. As 2009 came to an end I am so excited for what 2010 will bring to us. We will watch our daughter graduate from college and then walk down the aisle to marry a wonderful young man. Our son will begin his last year of high school and decide what he will be doing after he graduates. I may have an opportunity to be appointed as a pastor to a church this year. My husband and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. These are blessings that God has given to us, but it will be the challenges that we will face that will make us stronger. These will be the moments that I will face with the knowledge that God will help us through. I know in my heart that God will carry us through and when I call out his name he will comfort me, guide me, sustain me and redeem me. These are the reasons that I am excited for the new year.
Resolutions are a big part of starting a new year, but not for me. Resolutions usually bring disappointment. How many of us ever completely fulfill the resolutions we make. For me I like to set little goals. My goals for 2010 are to continue to try and be a better person everyday I am on this earth. To not get dragged into all of the drama that everyone around me creates. To not let the little things get to me. To create more peace in my life, work and home. To judge less and love more. To relax more and enjoy the little moments that God creates for me.
I will not look back on 2009 and say "I wish I would have" or "If I could go back I would...". I will look forward to 2010 and thank God for everyday that I wake up and thank God for everyday that I can lay my head on my pillow and go to sleep.
My wish for 2010 to all of my family and friends is that God will give you much love, laughter, joy, peace and all of the strength that you will need to face the challenges in 2010.
Happy New Year and God bless,
Jill

Winter Wonderland

2009-12-08T21:33:00.000-06:00

It's here!! The first official Blizzard of the season. I am so excited that I keep going to our big picture window where are Christmas tree sits all lit up and just stare with amazement at the blowing drifting snow. It is truly a beautiful sight. The outside Christmas lights glowing under the snow are beautiful. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning to see the drifts of pure white snow draped across our front lawn and driveway (my husband and son will probably not be as excited as I am since they will be the ones outside clearing it all away). It is quite magical looking when not a car or person has driven or walked through it. It is a picture postcard scene. The fury of the wind makes the most wonderful amazing drifts of snow, with swirls and peaks. Our backyard resembles meringue on top of a banana cream pie. Oh the glory of nature!!!
Blessings,
Jill

snow and an engagement

2009-12-07T21:00:00.000-06:00

We are on the verge of a major winter storm here in Iowa. Well, that's what the weather people are predicting. I have to be honest and let you all know that I love snow! I don't say it out loud very often because believe it or not there are a lot of people in Iowa who get a little grumpy when it snows!! I on the other hand do not. Today while I was driving to work I was thanking God for the little bit of snow we got overnight. I feel so blessed to live in a place that has 4 distinctive seasons. Spring where everything is new. There is a new birth when spring appears. Flowers breaking through the soil. Robins returning to nest and the new leaves on the trees are a beautiful light green. Summer is when all the flowers burst with color. The sun is warm and the days are longer. Time spent outside sitting on the deck and listening to the birds sing and the smell of freshly mowed grass. Fall with it's vibrant reds, golds, browns and orange colors. Pumpkins and Indian corn. The leaves falling and a faint whisper in the wind of goodbye, see you in the spring from the geese flying overhead. All of this leads into winter. Winter where the air becomes brisk with cold. Snow falls and the days become shorter. Blankets are brought out and draped across the couches and chairs just waiting for the time when someone will snuggle down in with a cup of hot cocoa or tea. Winter also means the glorious season of Advent and the celebration of Jesus birth. Sledding, snowboarding and walks on a cold winter night while the stars shine brighter than ever. Big pots of soup and freshly baked cookies. Four wonderful seasons all with their own special qualities. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else!!

I am so excited to let you all know that our daughter Kayla became engaged on Saturday evening to her wonderful boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. He is the son of one of my dear friends and we just love him to death. He is one of the nicest young men and stands a towering 6 1/2 feet while our beautiful daughter is a petite 5 feet. We were so happy when he came over last Tuesday evening to ask our blessing and to show us the ring he had picked out. It is beautiful. On Friday Kayla left with Jerod and his family for a week long cruise to celebrate his grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. On Saturday evening after a day of nerves and Kayla asking him repeatedly if something was wrong, he popped the question. She called on Sunday morning to let us know and her voice was filled with excitement and shock. We are so excited for this new journey that they will be planning.

God has truly blessed us this year and I know that there is even more blessings awaiting us for 2010.

Blessings,
Jill

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T22:06:00.000-06:00

I am so thankful for so much. God has truly blessed me this year. I am thankful for God in my life. For the Holy Spirit working within me. For my husband Dave. My children Ashley, Kayla & Andrew. For my parents, my in-laws, my sister & brother and all the extended family. For Jerod who truly loves my daughter and respects her. For my friends Angie, Jean, Sandy, Barb, Trudy & Valerie. For all those who have prayed for me or my family. For all the women that have attended my women's retreats. For the sun that comes up every morning and the moon that glows at night. For my dog Libby, my cat Phoebe and my tiny turtle Myrtle. My heart, mind and soul that make me who I am. For the ability to see, hear, taste & feel. For my home & gardens. For my parents lovely lake home in Minnesota and for Great Uncle Herman for leaving my husband and his brothers the cabin in Spearfish South Dakota.

My list could go on and on. Tomorrow will be here before I know it. Watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, eating egg bake & cinnamon rolls. Taking the homemade pies I baked tonight to my in-laws home and having turkey, mash potatoes and so many other goodies!! Being with loved ones and missing my parents who are out of town at my brothers home.

May all of you have a blessed Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Blessings,
Jill

Changes

2009-11-15T19:42:00.000-06:00

This past week has been a week of changes for our family. Changes that have taken a lot of thought, prayer and faith, lot's of faith!!

Our son who is 16 was diagnosed with ADHD in the 8th grade. It has been a challenging time for all of us. I had suspected something since 3rd grade but was always told by the teachers that he just needed to sit and behave. I was told time and time again that he was the class clown. My husband and I just thought that the teachers were right, he was a clown and he was "all boy". He is the baby of our family. With 2 older sisters who thought everything he did as a little boy was funny. And I have to admit that he is a comedian, it runs in the family, my husbands and mine.

But something changed 5 years ago. What our family endured with our oldest daughter, had a bigger affect on our son than we knew. In 8th grade he started to become very angry. In fact violent at times. Especially towards his dad. It was at this time we contacted a psychologist and at the first visit she suggested that we have him tested for ADHD. It was as if a light finally went on and someone was seeing what we had suspected. It was a relief or so I thought. He was tested and put on medication. Medication we thought that would help and solve part of the problems he was having. Medication only made things worse. Trying to get on the right medication and the right dose has been a nightmare. It has made him feel different, in fact sometimes he hasn't felt good while taking it. This past summer he decided to not take it and we felt that he was old enough to make that decision. And it seemed that he really only needed it for school to help him focus. When school started this year he again started taking the medicine. For the first few weeks he did well, his grades were good, but then everything started to go downhill. He's a smart kid so we just didn't understand why is was so difficult for him. Highschool is tough, but a student who has ADHD and anger problems it can be a nightmare. We realized that he was suffering from depression. I started doing some research on his medication and realized that depression is one of the side effects from it. We had him stop taking it and are now seeking out alternative and natural treatments. Fish oil is one of them. People who suffer from ADD/ADHD have significant lower levels of Omega 3 fatty acids. Fish oil or flaxseed oil is given to them and it has shown positive results. We are also making sure that his diet provides him with the right foods. We are hopeful that this will help. I have read many comments from parents who have tried this and are saying that they have seen great results.

This year he also became a target for some of the teachers because of his behavior problems. He started getting into trouble and sometimes he actually didn't do anything, they just assumed it was him when something went wrong or they would pick out small little things that he would get in trouble for, that other students were not called out on and he would become angry. Now I'm not saying that he is an angel, he instigated a few things with the teachers. But since he started Kindergarten I have been one of those parents that is in constant communication with teachers and administrators. I have fought hard for my son to get the best education. Last year my husband and I tried to get him to be allowed to have a few extra minutes to take exams or a little more time for homework. Unfortunately each time we spoke to a teacher we were told no. Even after explaining the situation to them and everything that we had been through it was like talking to a brick wall. So we went to the administrators and asked for him to be filed under a plan that would allow him the extra time and help. We were told that it was a lot of paper work for them and they didn't feel it was needed. At conferences I was always asked, "Is there something going on in your home?", or "can you tell me what I can do to make sure he does his work?". "Are you kidding me? I have told you but you don't listen." That's what I wanted to say, but then I would repeat everything I had already told them and they would shake their heads and have this look as if they understood me, but with their eyes a little too glassy. I was always made to feel that it was my fault. I wasn't a good enough parent.

Well this past week after an incident at school and my son telling me that two of his teachers singled him out in class and told him he was worthless and would never amount to anything, we made the decision to pull him out of the school and homeschool him. He is a junior, so it was a tough decision to make. We talked with him and gave him a few options of what we could do and after a lot of thought and prayer he decided to be homeschooled. When his dad and I agreed and I had spoken to the person who is the director for the homeschooling in our city and I told him it was okay, he started jumping up and down and had a smile on his face that went from ear to ear. I hadn't seen him smile like that in a long time. He said he finally felt as if a weight had been lifted off of him. He can't believe how wonderful it is to have that pressure gone.

He has a hard road ahead of him, but one that he is happy to be on. This will help him to achieve the self-discipline and responsibility that he needs in his life. It will also give him a chance to feel proud of himself, one thing that has been lacking in his life, even though his dad and I constantly tell him how much we love him and how much we want him to have a good life.

We also visited a Marine recruiter this past week. He has always talked about going into the military and he wants to be a Marine. The Marines do not allow anyone to join who is on ADHD medication, so that was another reason to try alternative treatments. The recruiter asked me what I thought about him joining and I said that it scared me. As a parent you are always trying to protect your child from the dangers of the world and here he wants to put himself right smack dab in the middle of the most dangers parts of the world. I also said that if he becomes a Marine, I would be the proudest Marine mom there ever was. I told him that I had a lot of faith. Faith that he would be taken care of and protected. Faith that either he would come home to us or home to his Father, either way I know he would be okay.

Changes. Big and small. That's life. The journey will be rocky at times, but with God beside us, it will be worth it. The smile on my son's face is proof enough.

Blessings,
Jill

Halloween Fun

2009-10-31T21:06:00.000-05:00

Our family is a little crazy when it comes to Halloween. We hand out candy and carve pumpkins like most people in our neighborhood and when our kids were little they would dress up in homemade costumes that I made for them. Now we dress up our dog. I know it is crazy but it is one of the funniest things to see. Each year when the Halloween costumes come out in the store, my daughter and I start to discuss what our dog Libby will be for Halloween. Over the last few years she has been a bumble bee, purple monkey, princess, dinosaur, Princess Leia from Star Wars and this year a mail man. The mailman is very funny because she doesn't particularly care for mailmen. I know it may seem silly but it brings a lot of laughter to our home. When we put the costumes on her she gives us a look of "oh please, not again".

I wonder what she will be next year? We'll just have to wait and see!!

Blessings,

Jill

Quiet Time

2009-10-29T19:18:00.001-05:00

I've been so busy lately that I haven't had an opportunity to really sit down and blog for a while and I've missed it. Thankfully I have some vacation time left that I need to use up so I am taking a few days off this month and in November and in December. Today and tomorrow are two of my days off and I am enjoying every minute. I've been reading the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. I found out that she is going to be here in January for a Women's Conference and I wanted to read her books before she comes and also before it gets to crazy around here with holiday activities and work. I've had the book and another one of hers for some time now but haven't read them. I decided now would be a perfect time. I love the book and I can't wait to hear her speak!!!

So today I read a few chapters of Joanna's book and also spent some much needed time in reading God's word, prayer and meditation with God. It was just what I needed and tomorrow I am looking forward to some quality time again with God. I'm not to good about making quiet time with God everyday. I make excuses and when it comes right down to it I am a little lazy. There's always something I feel is more entertaining or some type of work that needs to be done. But what I have found out is that God can be the most entertaining being on the face of the earth. When I spend time in his word I am drawn in to the most dramatic, inspiring, unforgettable, awesome world. And this world is mine for the taking. Yes, it is history but it is also what is happening here, right now. It gives us the answers to have a better life. A deeper, richer and more glorious life than we could ever imagine in our wildest dreams.

Last night I preached at a small church for their Wednesday night service. I spoke on Psalm 23. I love that psalm and today I thought a lot about it after I heard that my sister-in-law's father had a stroke this morning in Florida. I spent much time in prayer, praying for him and the entire family. He is a vibrant, lovable Irishman and a retired New York police officer. His family means everything to him and I know they are going through much worry and uncertainty. Psalm 23 is such a comfort at a time like this. God as our Shepherd leading us and tending to us. Giving us a place to find rest and comfort. Restoring our souls. Leading us to refreshing living water. When we find ourselves in a time of uncertainty, pain, sorrow and anxiety, God gives us everything we need, if we only reach out and take hold of his hand. He will lead us out of our despair and worry. What a Shepherd he is. How majestic is our God.

Thanks be to God.

Blessings,
Jill

Going Home

2009-10-18T16:03:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I received a call from a member of the church that I grew up in, inviting me to preach there this weekend. In fact my parents are still members. For reasons I will not go into and because I truly believe that God was directing us on to something new, we left that church about 8 years ago and joined the church my husband had grown up in. My family church still means a lot to me. They are the people who helped give me my roots and foundation in Christianity. They have watched me grow from a painfully shy child into a woman of faith. So when I received the invitation to "Go Home" and fill in at the pulpit, I jumped at the opportunity. You see, I was baptized, confirmed, married and baptized all 3 of my children in that church. The members there are like family and when I arrived I was met with hugs and best wishes. And when the service was over they complimented me and told me how much they enjoyed my sermon and how happy they were that I had come back.
It was an emotional experience. Last night as Dave and I were getting ready for bed, he asked me if I was nervous. I told him I wasn't nervous, I was so excited I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep.
Standing at that pulpit today, ready to begin my sermon, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with the feeling that my former pastor, Reverend Mike was right there with me. I had to quickly pull it together and continue on. Reverend Mike had been our pastor for 27 years. He was a wonderful pastor and taught me so much. It is because of him that I am on this journey to becoming a pastor myself. In confirmation he made us learn. There was no way that he was going to let any of us be confirmed unless we truly knew what it meant. Today I thank him for that. Because of him I have a deep connection with God and what it means to be a Christian. He passed away a few years ago, but today I felt him there. Standing right beside me and giving me that support that I knew he would have given me if he would have been sitting in one of those wooden pews.
There are others who guided me and loved me who now are with our Lord. Arlene, Ruth, Grandma and Grandpa and so many more, that I know were watching me from heaven and cheering me on. I felt their presence and support throughout the entire service.
As I write this I am overcome with emotion and the tears are falling. Tears of joy and sadness.
There is something to be said about "going home". When I walked in to the church it still smelled the same. The people haven't changed much, other than a few more gray hairs and the kids who I babysat in the nursery are now parents themselves. It felt comfortable, like when you put on that favorite sweatshirt for the first time in the fall. It's a cozy warm familiar feeling that makes you want to stay for awhile.
Before I left I was invited to come back on December 27th to once again fill in at the pulpit. I can't wait to "go home" again.
Blessings,
Jill

Preparing, Planning and Praise

2009-09-29T20:10:00.001-05:00

It has been so long since I have written on this post. I spent most of the time away from here, preparing for my first One Day Women's Retreat. For the past few years my church has held a weekend Women's Retreat in either March or April at our Methodist Camp in Okoboji Iowa. It goes from Friday evening thru Sunday noon. It is a wonderful weekend filled with fellowship, rest, scripture, teaching, food and renewal. For the past 2 years I have been privileged to be part of the team that plans and leads the retreat. Since our last retreat in April I have felt God calling me to put on a few one day retreats throughout the year. So in August after God kept nudging me I picked up the calendar and filled in the days that I would lead the retreats. Last Saturday was the first. I'm doing this all on my own without a team to help. At least that's how the first one went. It was a great time. Although I had wished that many women would come, God blessed me with 7 wonderful women. 5 had been on the retreats before and 2 hadn't attended any. One of those two was my oldest daughter Ashley. It was a blessed day to have her there and sharing in it with me. She has come such a long way and I am so proud of her. She was welcomed by all the women (these are women who have been praying for her and our family and mean so much to me) and even felt comfortable enough to share her thoughts and feelings throughout the day. At one point as she was sharing, I looked at her and realized that she is an adult. A young woman about to turn 24! It brought tears to my eyes and my heart felt full. At that moment I thanked God once again for this journey that we have been on and for delivering us out of the storm that pounded down on us for such a long time.

The theme of the retreat was "Seeking Growth". We went over the 5 holy habits that we need to help us grow spiritually: Scripture, prayer, self-control, silence/solitude & service. It was a day of self-reflection, journaling, scripture surfing, song and fellowship. I felt God's presence the entire day, as I heard women share there thoughts and feelings. One quote that was read was from Freya Stark, "There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do." How true that is. If I am living my life differently from what I truly believe in, I will be living an unbalanced life. If I strive to keep up with everyone else while losing my true self, how can I be the person God wants me to be? If I give in to the demands of others, while jeopardizing my integrity, how can I look myself in the mirror and be happy? Everyday we need to be re-evaluating who we are, who God wants us to be and where God wants us to go.

We are all called to be servants of God. Whether it be in how we behave towards others or helping out in our churches, communities and world. We need to remember that as we live our lives, people are watching us. Do we want them to see Jesus when they see us? or do we want them to see someone who is in it just for themselves?

"Hear, O Israel. The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart." - Matthew 6:4-6

Blessings,
Jill

Remembering 9/11

2009-09-11T21:23:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here watching "Remembering 9/11" on the History Channel. The same pain, sadness and despair floods over me once again. The video accounts from various people in Manhattan, from being right below the Towers, a block east of the towers and as far as New Jersey bring it all back again. It's the firefighters that bring me to tears. Watching them running towards the burning buildings and wondering as I watch those faces, did any of them make it out?

The sadness of that day will remain with me forever, as it should with all of us. We should never forget. Because if we do, then all of those who died in the planes, who were in the buildings trying to get out and help others to get out and all those rescue workers who perished, will have died in vain. Those who caused this to happen will then have won.

Through the tragedy we have learned that we are a resilient country. We are a country who in a time of hopelessness turned to prayer. We pulled together and prayed for those we never met. We sent messages of love wrapped in care packages and quilts made by people from all over this country.

9/11 is not just a day of tragic loss but a day that we as Americans may look back on with hope and strength knowing that we faced evil in the face and we did not let it break us.

May God bless the families, friends and co-workers whose lives were taken so suddenly and horrifically from them. May God bless all of us as we continue to heal from the tragedy of that day.

Blessings,
Jill

Taking a Time Out!

2009-09-08T21:38:00.000-05:00

I enjoy watching Bible teacher Beth Moore on James and Betty Robinson's show, "Life Today" on Wednesday's. The past few weeks her theme of her message has been, "Refuge in the Storm". I just recently saw session number 4, where Beth was speaking about having a hiding place. A "Time Out". A "Hiding Place" so that we may have time away from all of the chaos and trouble that surrounds our lives. Even time away from our loved ones.

This has really been tugging at my mind the last few days. I know that I need a place to hide sometimes. When I have been pulled in so many directions or I have tried to be there for so many people that I forget to take time for myself. I work in a church and am currently answering the call to ministry, but there are days I feel like I have not connected with God. I get so busy that I'm not even sure that I have felt God's presence in my life that day.

God gave us a day of rest. Even Jesus went to the garden to be alone with his Father. Why do we find it so hard to have a "Time Out". We tend to feel that if we don't get the work done, no one will do it. Or they won't do it the "right" way. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it really crucial that every bit of our work gets done? Will our lives fall a part if the house doesn't get cleaned, the laundry waits one more day? When a project is due at work, why do we rush to get it done before it is even due? Are we afraid that people are going to frown at us? That our family will get mad at us? That we won't "look good" to everyone?

We get so wrapped up in the little things that we forget the One who created us, gave us life. We go through our days lifting prayers for others, asking God to help us but we don't give God the quality time that we need to help us be able to help others. Beth said, "How can I give a drink of water, when I need a drink of living water?" "How can I be a refuge for someone else, when I am in need of refuge?"

That is so true. How can I give someone the time and energy to help them, if I am in need of energy myself? How do you know when you need a "time out"? Beth says, "If you don't enjoy what you are doing anymore, you need a time out".

In the September/October "final" issue of Today's Christian Woman, there is an article by Sandra Byrd titled, "eat, pray, grow". Sandra writes about how God used something unusual to get her attention about her soul: food.

She talks about how she found out she had high blood pressure and high cholesterol at the age of 40 and decided to change her life style. While she was cutting up veggies one day she heard the Holy Spirit murmur, "It takes time and commitment to be healthy, doesn't it?" She knew he wasn't talking about her body. He was talking about her soul. She goes on to say that it is easier to ignore the spiritual issues, God often uses physical symptoms to help take a closer look at what's happening inside.

Developing a pattern of taking on too much and in order to comfort her overly busy self, she ate the wrong things. She finally understood that her overfed but malnourished body was an outward reflection of an overfed but malnourished soul. While she had many activities that looked good on the outside and garnered praise, they ate up time she might have spent deepening her relationship with God. She relegated her prayer life to rushed pleading in the midst of trouble; her relationship with God felt empty and silent, stagnant and struggling. Her body displayed on the outside what was happening on the inside. In the process of healing one, could she heal both?

She goes on to give you valuable information that she learned through going through this process. It is a great article that I suggest you read.

I had a great conversation today with a dear friend on this very subject. She was telling me that her heart just isn't in to going to the Wednesday morning Bible study at our church but she feels guilty if she doesn't go. I told her that if she was feeling that way she shouldn't go. She does her own Bible study every morning, she leads a Bible study at an assisted living home once a week and she meets once a month for a Christian Women's Bible study. I think a lot of us do this. We join every Bible study possible thinking that it will lead us closer to God, but it actually takes us away from those quiet one on one moments that we need with God.

Just like we need to nourish our bodies with good wholesome food and fit in exercise each day, we also need to give our souls a "time out" to be alone with God. Not doing a Bible study, but just one on one, no frills, time with God.

So the next time you are feeling the loss of joy in what you are doing or you are overwhelmed with life, give yourself a "time out". For a child they say that when you give them time out, they are to sit in time out for as many minutes as they are old. So, if you are 30, take 30 minutes, 40, take 40 minutes, 50, take 50 minutes. Take the time to sit in the presence of God and enjoy!!!

Blessings,
Jill

Healed By God's Grace

2009-09-04T16:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday ranks right up there within the top 10 days of my life. The day may have been rainy and dreary but the sun was shining down on our family. Our daughter Ashley who has been through so much the last 5 years, moved back to our home town. What started out 5 years ago with excitement of sending our oldest off to college, took a dramatic turn by Christmas of that year. Due to the influence of the wrong people, drugs and alcohol and the work of a very dark force in her life, she was driven away from her family and friends and ran away from our home. Over the course of the past 5 years our family was broken, ripped apart and I truly believed in the beginning of it all that we would never recover. But God did a miraculous thing one day in April of 2006. While I was attending a women's retreat at a church camp, I took a walk down to the lake and told God I was ready to listen to him. I have always prayed, but I have a tendency to be the one doing all the talking and not giving God a chance to get a word in. But that day I opened up my heart and soul to hear him. And he spoke to me. He told me that my daughter would be okay. He told me to trust in him and to be patient. And one funny thing he told me was to write. To write and write and write and that people would read it and hear it. I've written a little. Devotions and sermons, but never knew exactly what God meant. I do today. You see it is all coming very clear to me. When God spoke to me I truly believed that everything would be okay within a few days, maybe even a few weeks or a couple of months. I thought I was supposed to start writing right away, but each time I tried I went blank. I didn't know what to write. You see, I wasn't healed yet. My family wasn't healed and my daughter was far from being healed. But today we are healed.

2 1/2 years after she ran away, and after numerous attempts to have her come back home, God spoke to me again. He told me I needed to let the past go and to reach out to her and tell her and show her that I loved her. I kept waiting for her to come to me, but I needed to go to her. She wasn't strong enough to do it, so I needed to. It was the best advice I have ever gotten. Boy is God wise! That was the first day of the start of the healing process in our family. Over the last 2 1/2 years we have steadily worked to gain back the trust and love of one another. And yesterday it all came together.

She is ready to start a new journey in her life. She has been drug free for over 2 years. She is staying with her grandparents and is surrounded by love and support from her family. She is scared but filled with the excitement of where this journey will take her. Finding a job and saving up money to go back to school is a goal that I know she will achieve. I have told her many times that only by the grace of God did she survive the last 5 years and that God has a plan for her and that she just needs to listen and ask God to guide and direct her. She is a beautiful young woman with a heart and soul filled with love. I am so proud of her! She has been through so much and is stronger and wiser.

God has given our family the strength and endurance to fight the fight. We have persevered through the darkest of days. We have looked evil in the face and won the battle. We didn't back down. Our prayers never stopped. We grew with the knowledge that God would protect us and provide for us and he did.

I lift up my praise and thanksgiving to my God. He is the almighty, wonderful, majestic, healer, comforter, protector of our lives.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" - Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)

"But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations"- Psalm 33:11 (NIV)

Blessings,
Jill

Football and God

2009-08-28T15:27:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the official kick-off of the football season for the high school my husband and my kids have attended. I have to say that it brings a little excitement to our lives. I grew up with a Dad who coached football, basketball and track. I was literally raised on the field, court and track. Football is in my blood. And it's not just the game but the fans, cheerleaders, band, watching the players and coaches and concession stands. Our home is only a block or so from our city stadium so even when our team isn't playing we can hear the announcers and bands from the other games. This is our 22nd Fall to live in our house and last night was the first football game of the season for the stadium. My husband was going out to mow when he turned around at the front screen door and said to me "listen, do you hear that? The band is practicing". After dinner my husband and son set off for the hill overlooking the stadium (it has been named "cheap scape hill" for as long as I can remember) to watch part of that game. There was definitely a twinkle in my husbands eyes when he left and when he returned.

We are a football family. We love the Penn State Nittany Lions and Joe Pa. I love the Dallas Cowboys and my husband and son love the New England Patriots. It can get a little crazy here on game day!!

It never fails that when we turn the calendar over to the month of July, sometime within those first 2 weeks my husband will make the comment, "the first football game is right around the corner". It is so dang cute!! You can feel the excitement and anticipation slowly increase over the next month or so. Then on the first night of the season it is like Christmas morning.

I was thinking today that I wish I could have that excitement in my life all the time when it comes to God. I get complacent at times. I want that burning feeling of the power of God in my life. Knowing that every morning when I awake God is there waiting for me. And don't get me wrong I do get that feeling sometimes, I just want to have it all the time. It takes effort on my part. God is there every morning and throughout the day, just waiting for "me" to say, "Hey God, what do you want to do today?" or "Hey God, how do you want to use me today cuz I'm ready and waiting". I want that! I need that!

If I can get excited about football, then I can get excited about God. I feel it in church during worship and even when I hear a great speaker like Beth Moore or Joyce Meyers. I need to get that feeling all the time. Carry it with me all day long.

There is a song at Christmas time that says, "Why can't everyday be like Christmas?". Well why can't everyday be for God?". Why can't we everyday be ready and willing to do whatever it takes to be in the presence of God? Listening, watching and waiting to see what God wants us to do. Wouldn't that be an exciting way to spend our days? The anticipation of what God was going to call you to do?

So tomorrow when I wake up, I'm not going to wait for God, I'm going to ask God right away, "Hey God here I am, what do you need me to do today?"

Blessings,
Jill

How Does God See Us?

2009-08-26T21:08:00.000-05:00

My son's school now has a software program that enables the parents to view their children's daily grades, attendance, assignments and missed assignments. It is a great tool for both the teachers and parents, but I am sure for some students, my son included, it isn't very appreciated. While I was looking over my son's information, it got me to thinking about something.

What if God had a software program where you could just click on a computer and it could tell us how we were doing? Maybe it could keep track of the times that we were not friendly to someone, didn't take the time to listen to someone, it could tell us when we gossiped, but at the same time could tell us when we were friendly, how we took the time to help someone, the times when we forgave someone. What would that be like if God kept track for us and then we could see it right there on the screen? Would we really want to see it? Would I be like my son and not always want to know how I have been?

I would hope that there were more times that I was nice and helpful and forgiving, compared to when I was not. I also know that we are not always aware of our actions, words or thoughts, we get so busy in our daily lives that we aren't even aware of how we treat others. We make excuses for our behavior. "I'm tired so it's okay to not be patient", "I've got a lot of work to do so that's why I don't have the time to listen".

Before the new software, kids were able to make excuses about not handing in homework, "the teacher didn't give us an assignment", "I didn't hear the assignment", "I didn't know we had a test". With the new software it is much harder to make those excuses. The information is printed clearly on the screen.

But God doesn't have a software program. It's up to us to monitor our actions, think before we speak, to be forgiving, compassionate, loving and kind. To take the time each day to make a difference in the lives of the people we meet and come in contact with. And maybe, by our actions, we can help others to see who God is.

Blessings,
Jill

A Great Day To Shout!!

2009-08-25T19:37:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a day that you just want to "Shout to the Lord!"? That is exactly the kind of day that I have had. Everything just seems to have fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to get over confident or fluff my feathers, because I know that tomorrow I could get sopping wet from a torrential rain, but today was a great day!!

Having meaningful conversations with my kids and friends, collaborating on a project at work, laughter & lunch with friends and being invited to preach at my families home church, made this day a day to "Shout to the Lord!" in thanksgiving and praise.

Thanksgiving for all the opportunities that He has opened the door for me, God loving friends, and a wonderful family.

Praise that He is the Almighty, Wonderful, Loving, Redeemer!

"Come, let us sing to the Lord! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come to him with thanksgiving. Let us sing psalms of praise to him. For the Lord is a great God, a great King above all gods." - Psalm 95:1-3 (NLT)

Blessings,
Jill

Love Never Ends

2009-08-22T20:13:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a dear man from my church passed away. He was one of my volunteers who would help assemble the newsletter each month. He and his wife had just celebrated their 60th wedding aniversary. 60 years of being together, raising children, watching grandchildren and adoring their great-grandchildren. 60 years of holding hands, secrets shared, smiles, sharing worries & joys, working together to build a life together and a family.

I think of his wife today and wonder how she will go on? How does one cope when suddenly the person who you have shared 60 years with is no longer with you? Taken so suddenly you were unable to say goodbye. How do you deal with the overwhelming loss and memories that will flood your mind and soul? The moments that will come when all of the arranging is done, the funeral is over and family return home to their everyday lives, how do you live during those moments of eating breakfast, deciding what your plan is for the day, needing to share a thought or a worry and that person is not there with you? When a memory comes back to you and you turn to that chair that they sat in and it is empty, what do you say?

I am saddened for her. But I am also reminded that love never fails. Love will continue on. The love that they shared will go on and they will be reunited one day. I thank God for that. God gives us the ability to love and to share that love with someone else. Love will help his wife to go on. Love will fill her days and comfort her nights. And God will be right there with her. Giving her strength, comfort and peace.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Blessings,
Jill

God's Rainbow!

2009-08-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

Today I saw the glimpse of a rainbow in my life. The storm that has been pounding down on my family for the last 5 years is finally coming to an end, and I know that God has been right there with me the entire time. It is a battle that has been hard fought. I have watched my daughter being hunted down and torn apart by evil of an extrodinary strength. Through it all God has heard our prayers. At times we cried out in pain, worry, anger, fear and confusion. I can now look back and see that I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, none of us are. My relationship with God is stronger and closer. He has given me strength and perseverance that I never thought I could have. God is so great! My love for God and my faith in God are so much stronger. God has rescued my daughter out of the grips of evil and she is coming home. Home to a new start, a new chance of a great life. When I look back I can thank God for the storm that has crashed around us. I have learned patience in God. Patience in waiting and listening for God's word. I know that while my daughter was fighting the evil around her God was protecting her and comforting her. I want to shout it for everyone to hear. GOD IS GREAT. ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. GOD IS GREAT!!!

In 2006 when God spoke to my heart while I sat by the lake, he told me that my daughter would be fine. He told me to be patient. He asked me to trust him. I did. I will trust in God the rest of my life. I will trust in God when the next storm comes. God will see me through. God is great!!

Blessings,

Jill

A New Day!!

2009-08-18T21:17:00.000-05:00

A journey starts with one step and this is a new journey and a new step. I'm not sure why I decided to start a blog. Maybe it is to be able to write down my thoughts, tell my story or possibly help someone who has gone through the same parental challenges that I have faced. What ever the reason I am happy to be taking this step.
I have felt God nudging me to do more but I am finding it hard to decipher exactly what that is. So I am trying new things. Seeking out what God is telling me. I love discovering new things everyday. I find myself growing and changing along the way. What a great day!!

Blessings,
Jill